Friday, July 28, 2006
it takes work to have your own opinions. to have real opinions, you need to be able to accept the fact that you were wrong when new information changes your mind. otherwise you are clinging to someone else's thoughts. even if that someone else is just the old you.
maybe this is why so many people want someone else to provide an opinion for them, they can't handle their own fallibilty. it is much easier to cling blindly to something someone else has told you. if something your mind has created becomes obsolete, you are the first and the only person to know, and you start second guessing yourself immediately, unless you are completely bat-shit deluded and insane.
i think real views are built slowly, not simply adopted or discovered. it really sheds some light on my uninterested attitude towards interpersonal debate. all you can really gain from someone else is more information to help you with the war inside your mind. unfortunately for me, it seems that most conversation is debate. why argue with someone else? all i really want is the facts behind your ideas so i can add them to my repretoire. i don't really care where that has led you, and most people don't even know the facts anyways, just the headline they read. they don't even care, they just want something that they can say the believe, so they have something to offer if anyone makes the mistake of paying attention to them.
if you can lead me down your thought pattern, and have one of your ideas dawn on me while you are doing so, and then be able to flesh it out in ways i haven't even thought of, that i can respect. that is really what i am searching for in conversation. a glimpse into someone elses mind, so i can make it a part of mine. broad proclaimations have their place in a room filled with like minded people, where a drawn out explaination of the implications of your simplified idea are unnecessary. but why should a perfect stranger care if you think pictures of breast-feeding are immoral?
everyone wants to be the expert, and the less you have to explain to someone about a topic you and said someone know nothing about, the more you can bask in your false feeling of self-superiority.
just for good measure, in case you are reading, 'you' has become a defacto description of the old me. i spend most of my time lecturing my old self for the mistakes he has made. so you doesn't necessarily mean YOU, it usually means me. i can get away with my smug attitude because it is no longer me, it just used to be me, so i know i really am superior to the old me.
i didn't realize this until recently, but most of my rants that seem to be about the stupidity of everyone else are really directed at myself in one way or another. it makes sense, when you think about it. i am my greatest teacher because i am my greatest critic. i don't necessarily think you are stupid, except by association to myself. but realize i still think i smarter than just about everyone i meet, so i probably do think you are stupid too. if my own stupidity (or ex-stupidity) resonates, it isn't an indictment, per se. maybe it is your chance to stop being so stupid, as it was mine
maybe this is why so many people want someone else to provide an opinion for them, they can't handle their own fallibilty. it is much easier to cling blindly to something someone else has told you. if something your mind has created becomes obsolete, you are the first and the only person to know, and you start second guessing yourself immediately, unless you are completely bat-shit deluded and insane.
i think real views are built slowly, not simply adopted or discovered. it really sheds some light on my uninterested attitude towards interpersonal debate. all you can really gain from someone else is more information to help you with the war inside your mind. unfortunately for me, it seems that most conversation is debate. why argue with someone else? all i really want is the facts behind your ideas so i can add them to my repretoire. i don't really care where that has led you, and most people don't even know the facts anyways, just the headline they read. they don't even care, they just want something that they can say the believe, so they have something to offer if anyone makes the mistake of paying attention to them.
if you can lead me down your thought pattern, and have one of your ideas dawn on me while you are doing so, and then be able to flesh it out in ways i haven't even thought of, that i can respect. that is really what i am searching for in conversation. a glimpse into someone elses mind, so i can make it a part of mine. broad proclaimations have their place in a room filled with like minded people, where a drawn out explaination of the implications of your simplified idea are unnecessary. but why should a perfect stranger care if you think pictures of breast-feeding are immoral?
everyone wants to be the expert, and the less you have to explain to someone about a topic you and said someone know nothing about, the more you can bask in your false feeling of self-superiority.
just for good measure, in case you are reading, 'you' has become a defacto description of the old me. i spend most of my time lecturing my old self for the mistakes he has made. so you doesn't necessarily mean YOU, it usually means me. i can get away with my smug attitude because it is no longer me, it just used to be me, so i know i really am superior to the old me.
i didn't realize this until recently, but most of my rants that seem to be about the stupidity of everyone else are really directed at myself in one way or another. it makes sense, when you think about it. i am my greatest teacher because i am my greatest critic. i don't necessarily think you are stupid, except by association to myself. but realize i still think i smarter than just about everyone i meet, so i probably do think you are stupid too. if my own stupidity (or ex-stupidity) resonates, it isn't an indictment, per se. maybe it is your chance to stop being so stupid, as it was mine
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
when you are satisfied, you stop progressing (from the zen of ichiro, via kenji johjima)
meh, blah, mwah, progress, plblbblbt
that is what i have to say today. ben no care. ben beaten into small puddle of meat. ben tired.
where do we go from here? a comment i make so often, it has its own pet comment that always follows it. the options are the same as they usually are. make another lateral, or slightly backwards move for the sake of freshness. the other option isn't even an option. it is seductive, and inevitable, but impossible. it is going to take years of settling before i make that decision, when i have finally resigned myself to the fact that there is truely nothing better available for me. and at the time, it will be the best decision i have ever made, because it will be a huge jump forward for me, as it would be right now. but it will seal my progress. there will be no more forward. it is so tempting, from an earning power standpoint. but if earning power was really the main focus of my life, i would be buried in a box somewhere right now. i have more important things swirling in my head, things that will never be accomidated. which is why it is no option. i refuse to even speak of it.
but, i wouldn't be me if i didn't fully explore every outcome in my head. everything needs to be analyzed, so i will know when to make my decisions. i leave so little room for choice in my life. choices are too important, i won't allow for arbitrary outcomes. when i make a decision, i needs to be correct. i usually know the outcome months in advance.
so what is the choice du jour? what do i see in my crystal ball? i definitely see change. i see my current job supressing me. i am in the depressed funk i haven't really had since starflower, at least the times at starflower i was working 40 hours a week. it is the same combination of the physical exhaustion caused by field work and the mental exhaustion caused by office stupidity, rolled into one tight little stress ball. it absorbed my entire life. there is no room for anything else. i use up all of my fighting spirit on the phones each day, arguing with idiots. i come home and just want peace, sweet nothingness.
all i need is my excuse to leave. i can stick it out until then. i am pretty sure that cutting weed out of my budget has put me back in the black. staying at work means i should be making money. it still seems like i am treading water, that my bank account fluctuates between the same three numbers, and that is a horrible feeling. when i do leave, i have options, other options than those i can't mention. unfortunately, most of them involve me selling my car, which probably is a smart idea anyways. i really don't need a car beyond work, and i really don't need to spend as much money on gas and insurance as i do. i could open up a whole new world of flexability by getting a job close to my house and cutting out those expenses.
so that is the plan. quit, sell my car, and take it from there. right now there are two places in walking distance that would both require siginficant pay cuts. but they would free up so much time. just cutting out all of the time i spend commuting, literally hours a day, would be huge. as much as i love my car, it is ultimately replaceable. it would free my mind completely.
with that cash influx, i would have months worth of savings. the only real question is, how much time do i dedicate soley to my book before i find a new job?
losing a regular paycheck is a very scary prospect though. i don't know why i am so afraid, it has never hurt me before. maybe that is why. i feel complacent towards a potential freefall towards the 0 line. the margin between where i am now and debt is so thin as it is, that a few misteps will leave me in a bad position. there is really no need for that, but would it be a worse position than i am in now? that is always the real question. there are more variables to consider than just money.
meh, blah, mwah, progress, plblbblbt
that is what i have to say today. ben no care. ben beaten into small puddle of meat. ben tired.
where do we go from here? a comment i make so often, it has its own pet comment that always follows it. the options are the same as they usually are. make another lateral, or slightly backwards move for the sake of freshness. the other option isn't even an option. it is seductive, and inevitable, but impossible. it is going to take years of settling before i make that decision, when i have finally resigned myself to the fact that there is truely nothing better available for me. and at the time, it will be the best decision i have ever made, because it will be a huge jump forward for me, as it would be right now. but it will seal my progress. there will be no more forward. it is so tempting, from an earning power standpoint. but if earning power was really the main focus of my life, i would be buried in a box somewhere right now. i have more important things swirling in my head, things that will never be accomidated. which is why it is no option. i refuse to even speak of it.
but, i wouldn't be me if i didn't fully explore every outcome in my head. everything needs to be analyzed, so i will know when to make my decisions. i leave so little room for choice in my life. choices are too important, i won't allow for arbitrary outcomes. when i make a decision, i needs to be correct. i usually know the outcome months in advance.
so what is the choice du jour? what do i see in my crystal ball? i definitely see change. i see my current job supressing me. i am in the depressed funk i haven't really had since starflower, at least the times at starflower i was working 40 hours a week. it is the same combination of the physical exhaustion caused by field work and the mental exhaustion caused by office stupidity, rolled into one tight little stress ball. it absorbed my entire life. there is no room for anything else. i use up all of my fighting spirit on the phones each day, arguing with idiots. i come home and just want peace, sweet nothingness.
all i need is my excuse to leave. i can stick it out until then. i am pretty sure that cutting weed out of my budget has put me back in the black. staying at work means i should be making money. it still seems like i am treading water, that my bank account fluctuates between the same three numbers, and that is a horrible feeling. when i do leave, i have options, other options than those i can't mention. unfortunately, most of them involve me selling my car, which probably is a smart idea anyways. i really don't need a car beyond work, and i really don't need to spend as much money on gas and insurance as i do. i could open up a whole new world of flexability by getting a job close to my house and cutting out those expenses.
so that is the plan. quit, sell my car, and take it from there. right now there are two places in walking distance that would both require siginficant pay cuts. but they would free up so much time. just cutting out all of the time i spend commuting, literally hours a day, would be huge. as much as i love my car, it is ultimately replaceable. it would free my mind completely.
with that cash influx, i would have months worth of savings. the only real question is, how much time do i dedicate soley to my book before i find a new job?
losing a regular paycheck is a very scary prospect though. i don't know why i am so afraid, it has never hurt me before. maybe that is why. i feel complacent towards a potential freefall towards the 0 line. the margin between where i am now and debt is so thin as it is, that a few misteps will leave me in a bad position. there is really no need for that, but would it be a worse position than i am in now? that is always the real question. there are more variables to consider than just money.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
the year is 2071. ben is 90 years old
frivISMS (friv inter-stellar messanger service) is a global power in this niche industry. ben's body is naturally strong, despite his synthetic teeth. while he has a permanent home on mars, his great-grandson is plying his messenger/interplanetary freight trade, so he can focus on more frivolous pursuits. he has had one great love in his life, a love that has provided one illigitimate offspring, with his great-grandson providing reconcilliation. now, in year 90, he has finally met the mirror image of his long lost love, the love he lost in year 2014 at year 33. yet she is in her 30's, and he in his 90's. with medical advances as they are, he has a chance at living several more years, at the expense of his original failing internal organs. where do we go from here? a chance for love he had forgotten over half-century ago is in his grasp, if only he sacrifices half of what makes him human.
frivISMS (friv inter-stellar messanger service) is a global power in this niche industry. ben's body is naturally strong, despite his synthetic teeth. while he has a permanent home on mars, his great-grandson is plying his messenger/interplanetary freight trade, so he can focus on more frivolous pursuits. he has had one great love in his life, a love that has provided one illigitimate offspring, with his great-grandson providing reconcilliation. now, in year 90, he has finally met the mirror image of his long lost love, the love he lost in year 2014 at year 33. yet she is in her 30's, and he in his 90's. with medical advances as they are, he has a chance at living several more years, at the expense of his original failing internal organs. where do we go from here? a chance for love he had forgotten over half-century ago is in his grasp, if only he sacrifices half of what makes him human.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
hello, calo rossi speaking here.
2/3 is crazy. that is 66.7%. an impossible number. but 3/5. 60% this is what i am talking about now. i just watched an impossible movie. it was evolution. impossibly good is my meaning. because 2/3 is an impossible number. but 2/4 is meaningless. 50%, what is that? nothing. but .6 3/5! it is meaningful. the narrow margin within human life resides. the absoulte next best thing. when the impossible calls, humanity answers with 3/5ths as opposed to 2/3rds. here we are. what can only be described as 3/5ths into my 4L of carlo. i didn't mean to finish it. i meant to finish over half of it. now here i am, 2.4L into my jug of carlo. 1 movie down, and what an inspiration. in humanities direst need, we come up with head and shoulders. the one thing that will save my hair from greek tragedy. here i am, bordering on godlike status, all because of the hair that separates me from the greek and roman tradition. we've all seen ROME, cosponsered by HBO and the BBC, now here we see it in myself. greek heroism, personified by long hair, and roman heroism personified by the bowl cut that blake norrish will never seem to escape. he could have 15 tackles in overtime, and nothing would change. carlo is speaking now. blake has always been my hero. i have seen him push the limits of human possibility. 2 onside kick recoveries in overtime, all in a losing effort. one of my best friends, making the impossible probable. that is what i have seen. steroids aside, i have seen my friend give his all for the sake of the team, for the sake of humanity. for the sake of carlo rossi. for the sake of canada. i have seen the impossible. i have been there to witness it. you cannot disprove evolution to me. i would love to track down my old science teachers, who have probalby been spread throughout the state due to their overwhelming genius. mr. beirman at woodinville high, due to his connections to the football team. mr. saxby, due to his overwhelming phsyics genius (who knows where he ended up, bainbridge island? south kitsap? how depressing would that be?) and most importantly, mr. towne. the sultan of sultan. the most important teacher in my life. the person who showed me that there was more to everything, anything i saw. evolution effects (affects?) everything. i have never been able to discerne between those two words. it is difficult for a brain of my nature. effect. affect. it takes more brain power to work the difference than it is worth. i wait for the moment i get to meet mr. towne in a moment of marijuana bliss, when we are both on the same level. everything will make sense, i know it. this is the reason i haven't returned to redmond high since my graduation, because i know the teachers who actully made a difference are no longer there.
this is carlo rossi speaking, over and out. we are 3/5th through a jug, with no signs of stopping. 2.4 litres of carlo rossi. canada day at its finest. i don't imagine i will be able to finish things off, but it wouldn't be the first time. it would just be the first time alone. i am proud that i went past 2/4, 1/2. seriously. 2/4 is meaningless. it is half of nothing...
2/3 is crazy. that is 66.7%. an impossible number. but 3/5. 60% this is what i am talking about now. i just watched an impossible movie. it was evolution. impossibly good is my meaning. because 2/3 is an impossible number. but 2/4 is meaningless. 50%, what is that? nothing. but .6 3/5! it is meaningful. the narrow margin within human life resides. the absoulte next best thing. when the impossible calls, humanity answers with 3/5ths as opposed to 2/3rds. here we are. what can only be described as 3/5ths into my 4L of carlo. i didn't mean to finish it. i meant to finish over half of it. now here i am, 2.4L into my jug of carlo. 1 movie down, and what an inspiration. in humanities direst need, we come up with head and shoulders. the one thing that will save my hair from greek tragedy. here i am, bordering on godlike status, all because of the hair that separates me from the greek and roman tradition. we've all seen ROME, cosponsered by HBO and the BBC, now here we see it in myself. greek heroism, personified by long hair, and roman heroism personified by the bowl cut that blake norrish will never seem to escape. he could have 15 tackles in overtime, and nothing would change. carlo is speaking now. blake has always been my hero. i have seen him push the limits of human possibility. 2 onside kick recoveries in overtime, all in a losing effort. one of my best friends, making the impossible probable. that is what i have seen. steroids aside, i have seen my friend give his all for the sake of the team, for the sake of humanity. for the sake of carlo rossi. for the sake of canada. i have seen the impossible. i have been there to witness it. you cannot disprove evolution to me. i would love to track down my old science teachers, who have probalby been spread throughout the state due to their overwhelming genius. mr. beirman at woodinville high, due to his connections to the football team. mr. saxby, due to his overwhelming phsyics genius (who knows where he ended up, bainbridge island? south kitsap? how depressing would that be?) and most importantly, mr. towne. the sultan of sultan. the most important teacher in my life. the person who showed me that there was more to everything, anything i saw. evolution effects (affects?) everything. i have never been able to discerne between those two words. it is difficult for a brain of my nature. effect. affect. it takes more brain power to work the difference than it is worth. i wait for the moment i get to meet mr. towne in a moment of marijuana bliss, when we are both on the same level. everything will make sense, i know it. this is the reason i haven't returned to redmond high since my graduation, because i know the teachers who actully made a difference are no longer there.
this is carlo rossi speaking, over and out. we are 3/5th through a jug, with no signs of stopping. 2.4 litres of carlo rossi. canada day at its finest. i don't imagine i will be able to finish things off, but it wouldn't be the first time. it would just be the first time alone. i am proud that i went past 2/4, 1/2. seriously. 2/4 is meaningless. it is half of nothing...
Saturday, July 01, 2006
like any good blog, this entry avoided the real meat behind the idea i was looking for. hopefully, to be continued, and hopefully not tonight. if you see me again tonight, it will be carlo talking
i am about .3 L's into my jug of carlo (a jug is 4L, for those unfamiliar to the ways of carlo rossi), and it seems like a good place to start this blog. today, i made a canada-sized error. my feebleminded nature led me to believe that canada day would be held on, well, canada day. but not this year! this year canada takes a new direction. canada adds that extra edge they have been sorely missing. much like the spice poochie added to itchy and scratcy, canada decided to take its holiday a day early this year. i am filled with mixed emotions. on the one hand, i really didn't want to go. i spent the whole day telling myself there was no way in hell that i was leaving the house today. but on the otherhand, it was canada day. at about 6:30, i looked at myself in the mirror and told myself 'this is one of two holidays you celebrate. this is the oldest holiday you celebrate. you can't break your streak of 9 years because you are a whiney little bastard (which i am)' so i left my house. i tracked down my jug of carlo. i tried 6 stores in seattle and had no luck. so i drove home to redmond, and found the perfect jug. everything was set, it was going to be another memorable july 1st. and then, oh, uh oh! canada has been moved! the norrish residence is empty! i have made a huge mistake.
so, i found myself asking myself the same questions i have been asking myself since my last blog. it sounds stupid, drawing on my formidable jr. high years in drama, but 'what is my motivation'? why was i doing this? it didn't take long for me to find my answer. i found my answer weeks ago. i knew why i was going to this canada day. well, one of the reasons anyways. this blog now will now take a humorous turn, but in the interest of the honesty i preach, the primary reason was my friends little sister abbey. i am not going to try and claim that it was the only reason, but it was the largest factor in my decision to go to canada day. last year my canada day friend was absent, and i was sad. she is one of the few women i feel comfortable around, regardless of the surroundings, and that is something i have definitely missed recently. the main thing i remember about canada day, besides carlo rossi, is sitting in the kitchen acting like i knew something about anything while abbey willingly humored my conversation.
instead, i am sitting here alone in front of my computer on canada day with my friend carlo. canada day threw me a bone. i feel bad now, because i spent the entire day dreading the thought of leaving the house and now the gods of canada have cruelly struck me down. apparently they are not to be trifled with.
but this is meant to be. because as much as i was avoiding canada day, in the end i was using canada day as a means to avoid this blog. this blog about motivation, something i am severely lacking. what is the point to my 'journey'? what am i looking for, and why? the how is just posturing without some real answers. every blog entry is just a piece of an idea. you can never fit the entire pattern into one, you need to broaden your scope to start bringing the different facets of a good idea together.
so, why the isolation? does it actually serve a purpose, besides catering to my own selfish whims. it does. even if the whims are it, it is justified.
ok, carlo is kicking me. i am avoiding the real issues behind this blog. first and formost, i need to expand on something. harmony and growth do seem very inconsistant with eachother, this is something i can agree with. deep down inside, i know that harmony and growth must go hand in hand. if you live in a world without growth, you are being left behind. the world around you is expanding, and you are being forced into a smaller box. to use a more relevant example, the minimum wage has stayed the same for the past 9 years (good god, since the last time i missed canada day!), but it i now worth something like 20 percent less than it used to be due to inflation over that same time period. without growth, you are not in harmony with a growing environment. if you aren't in a growing environment, then harmony will actually have an adverse effect. the extreme arguement can be made that nothing at all can actually be considered growth. ideally, the harmony you strike will allow you to progress forward with everyone else around you. if i can combine physics and philosphy for a moment, i hope we are looking at the harmony of momentum instead of the harmony of velocity. there is always forward movement. it takes a complete shift in thinking to stop this forward movement. the rate at which we are going forward may be changing, but the end result is beyond where we started. i think i may have moved past the point where i am worried about going foward or not. maybe now, i am worried about finding a consistat forward motion to settle into. the same struggle at a new level, removing the flux. is there even a term in physics that creates a rational function out of the changes in momentum? probabaly, but i never made it to college physics, so i am on my own with this one. that is where i am at. even holed up naked in my room, i know i am going forward. but going constantly foward still does not remove the mood swings from my personality. they may not be a matter of life and death anymore, sure, but there are still fluxuations to be dealt with.
one thing i do know, dealing with momentum is a whole lot easier on my mind than dealing with velocity. it is cruising down the freeway vs. stop and go traffic. you have so much more control, and it is exponentially more intuitive. the overly predictive nature of my brain is loving the fact it can dwell in its crazy premonitions, instead of dealing such earthly worries as making rent every month. granted, eventually life will throw me that jolt that completely changes my momentum, and i will be stuck slowing down all of the sudden. at least i will have some advance warning this time, and the means to hopefully keep myself from coming to a complete stop.
that is my motivation. to keep moving foward. to consistantly keep moving forward. to be progressing forward so well, that i am more worried about the changes in my speed than the actual speed itself. shifting my way through life towards the end results of my crazy predictive nature. i have so many plans, it might be hindering me. but keeping them all as viable options is important to me. eventually, i have to make a decision, and move in a direction that removes an idea i thought was a great possibilty. but my premonitions can't always be right, no matter how viable they are in my head. it is just one more harmony i try to strike, the harmony between my multiple futures.
now, carlo is calling. i have forsaken him for way too long.
so, i found myself asking myself the same questions i have been asking myself since my last blog. it sounds stupid, drawing on my formidable jr. high years in drama, but 'what is my motivation'? why was i doing this? it didn't take long for me to find my answer. i found my answer weeks ago. i knew why i was going to this canada day. well, one of the reasons anyways. this blog now will now take a humorous turn, but in the interest of the honesty i preach, the primary reason was my friends little sister abbey. i am not going to try and claim that it was the only reason, but it was the largest factor in my decision to go to canada day. last year my canada day friend was absent, and i was sad. she is one of the few women i feel comfortable around, regardless of the surroundings, and that is something i have definitely missed recently. the main thing i remember about canada day, besides carlo rossi, is sitting in the kitchen acting like i knew something about anything while abbey willingly humored my conversation.
instead, i am sitting here alone in front of my computer on canada day with my friend carlo. canada day threw me a bone. i feel bad now, because i spent the entire day dreading the thought of leaving the house and now the gods of canada have cruelly struck me down. apparently they are not to be trifled with.
but this is meant to be. because as much as i was avoiding canada day, in the end i was using canada day as a means to avoid this blog. this blog about motivation, something i am severely lacking. what is the point to my 'journey'? what am i looking for, and why? the how is just posturing without some real answers. every blog entry is just a piece of an idea. you can never fit the entire pattern into one, you need to broaden your scope to start bringing the different facets of a good idea together.
so, why the isolation? does it actually serve a purpose, besides catering to my own selfish whims. it does. even if the whims are it, it is justified.
ok, carlo is kicking me. i am avoiding the real issues behind this blog. first and formost, i need to expand on something. harmony and growth do seem very inconsistant with eachother, this is something i can agree with. deep down inside, i know that harmony and growth must go hand in hand. if you live in a world without growth, you are being left behind. the world around you is expanding, and you are being forced into a smaller box. to use a more relevant example, the minimum wage has stayed the same for the past 9 years (good god, since the last time i missed canada day!), but it i now worth something like 20 percent less than it used to be due to inflation over that same time period. without growth, you are not in harmony with a growing environment. if you aren't in a growing environment, then harmony will actually have an adverse effect. the extreme arguement can be made that nothing at all can actually be considered growth. ideally, the harmony you strike will allow you to progress forward with everyone else around you. if i can combine physics and philosphy for a moment, i hope we are looking at the harmony of momentum instead of the harmony of velocity. there is always forward movement. it takes a complete shift in thinking to stop this forward movement. the rate at which we are going forward may be changing, but the end result is beyond where we started. i think i may have moved past the point where i am worried about going foward or not. maybe now, i am worried about finding a consistat forward motion to settle into. the same struggle at a new level, removing the flux. is there even a term in physics that creates a rational function out of the changes in momentum? probabaly, but i never made it to college physics, so i am on my own with this one. that is where i am at. even holed up naked in my room, i know i am going forward. but going constantly foward still does not remove the mood swings from my personality. they may not be a matter of life and death anymore, sure, but there are still fluxuations to be dealt with.
one thing i do know, dealing with momentum is a whole lot easier on my mind than dealing with velocity. it is cruising down the freeway vs. stop and go traffic. you have so much more control, and it is exponentially more intuitive. the overly predictive nature of my brain is loving the fact it can dwell in its crazy premonitions, instead of dealing such earthly worries as making rent every month. granted, eventually life will throw me that jolt that completely changes my momentum, and i will be stuck slowing down all of the sudden. at least i will have some advance warning this time, and the means to hopefully keep myself from coming to a complete stop.
that is my motivation. to keep moving foward. to consistantly keep moving forward. to be progressing forward so well, that i am more worried about the changes in my speed than the actual speed itself. shifting my way through life towards the end results of my crazy predictive nature. i have so many plans, it might be hindering me. but keeping them all as viable options is important to me. eventually, i have to make a decision, and move in a direction that removes an idea i thought was a great possibilty. but my premonitions can't always be right, no matter how viable they are in my head. it is just one more harmony i try to strike, the harmony between my multiple futures.
now, carlo is calling. i have forsaken him for way too long.
