ichiro is my hero. so, they were interviewing mariners about facing arthur rhodes, and everyone said it was really wierd to see him in an enemy uniform. they asked ichiro, and he said "It would have been weirder to face him in a game if he was still in a Mariners' uniform"

genius

frivved up by Ben at 2:56 PM

test again


frivved up by Ben at 10:14 PM

maaaarinerssss

oh yes, thats right. its baseball season again. soon enough i can stop pretending to pay attention to basketball just because i need my sports fix. they just released the new 2004 commercials on the website, decent as always. 162 games of statistics for me to fool around with, and the mariners have a few million in cash laying around for the trading deadline, so you know i'll be scouring scouting reports trying to build some decent trade rumors of my own. sooo much funnn. i'm a believer. i thought the mariners were going to win it all in 1991, so i'm pretty stoked about our chances this year ;)

frivved up by Ben at 1:20 PM

tesstsss

frivved up by Ben at 8:21 PM

who is my audience? ryan is my audience. he knows, he knows!! CAUGHT!!!

frivved up by Ben at 12:41 PM

i will never be a voice of reason. i'm sorry if i have misled you into thinking that i am somehow anchored into some sort of wierd rational universe. i'm not. things can't always be rational. there is an underlying order to everything, sure, but it is too complex for us to ultimately understand. thats what makes things so much fun, eh? just when you have figured everything out, you have to scrap all your code and start over from scratch because things aren't what you thought they were. my ideals change every 5 minutes. my thoughts change every 5 minutes. eventually i think i'll figure out just how much of my reality is based on the perceptions of my subconcious, and i'll realize how malleable my life really is. what is the world around us? is it just a series of impulses my brain is trying to process, the same as they process my dreams when i'm asleep? i'm thinking there is a lot more overlap than i think. which is good, because i like dreaming. dreaming is fun. its like reading a book or watching a movie, but its a direct link into my mind instead. how many levels of perception do i have? obviously at least two, because my mind is trying to set up a direct link to my mind right now, which seems counterproductive since they are the same thing. maybe someday i'll figure out how to pick which level of perception to be in, which will in essence change the rest of the world around me. i'll go back and change the dream i had where my friend had a shark as a pet. it attacked him. why did he have a shark as a pet in the first place, that wasn't very smart at all. i told him so, both in my dream and in real life. at least i think i did. i'm sure i told him in at least one, and that memory may be superimposing itself over the other. i don't know. i know that i told him though, which is good. its not like it was a little shark either. it was a huge shark, we had to dig out this huge pit to keep it in so it had enough room to swim around. sweet dreams everyone, stay away from the sharks, they don't make very good pets.

frivved up by Ben at 1:04 AM

someone haxxored me. they called themselves red eye, so i'll forgive them. red eye made my bong too, he can't be that bad :P

frivved up by Ben at 8:32 PM

there is nothing to say because there is nothing to tell it too. who is my audience? who could possibly read and or understand whatever i have to say. i am societies definition of failure. i am everything everyone tries not to be. i'm a drop-out, a scumbag, a junkie, everything parents warn their kids about. Better study, or you'll fail out. Better not drink, you'll lose control. Better not do drugs, they'll ruin your life. Better work hard, or you'll end up as a burn-out pizza delivery guy. people see me, and they see failure. but people talk to me, people are around me, and they see i'm happy, i'm genuinely cheerful, i engage in whatever conversation they fling towards me and understand what they are saying. i'm all these things, and i'm utterly indifferent to who they are and what they think about me. the see me as a failure, someone they have a leg up on. finally, someone below them on the social ladder, and a nice kid to boot. someone they can take under their wing, say nice soothing words too and get a look of pure, innocent gratification in return. someone they are better than so they can show how benevolent they are after all their successes. then they realize that i am their vision of failure, and i am ultimately better off than they are. their knowing smiles and attempts at conversation are shrugged off with a quick witty comment and a goofy grin, and i'm gone, leaving them thinking "i wish i could be more like that guy." but still, i am their vision of failure.

truth is, i'm making money. i have a nice car i'm going to have paid off in full by the end of the year. i'm opening a roth IRA this month with my maximum yearly contribution. i have no credit card debt and all my student loans are paid off. i am not rich by any means, but i consider myself a financial success. i am in the positive in a world full of debt. how in the world could i consider myself a failure? everything around me tells me i'm doing something wrong. i have no degree, a crappy job with no future, i do drugs, i stay out late at night like a hooligan, i gamble with my friends, i don't vote, i don't go to church, i watch violent movies, i play violent video games, i swear, i have no legal software on my computer, i download music illegally, i cheat on my taxes, i am immoral, unpatriotic, and have no respect for the laws that govern us all. i am scumbag, societies vision of failure

but i am better off than all of them. i am happy. i love my job. my bank account is building, and when i retire i'll have a few million to do something with if i stay on the course i am now. thats right, if i delivered pizzas for the rest of my life, i would retire with a few million dollars just out of my retirement account, to say nothing of the fact that i make about twice as much as i spend every damn month. do i think i'll be delivering pizzas for the rest of my life? no. do i think i'll be delivering pizzas when i'm 25? no. i'll be doing something else, just as successfully and making more money. i will keep leapfrogging up the ladder by being a complete and utter failure.

so who is right? are they right? are all the morons and the assholes right? they say i am immoral. i say i live by my own code of ethics. one thing i have been focusing on the past few years is doing what i think is right, even if it is harder than lying, or cheating, or stealing. i still do all these things, but who do i steal from? is cheating on my taxes stealing? where does that money go. am i stealing, or am i merely protecting myself from being stolen from. i disagree with a lot of things society has to say, so i disregard them. laws have a purpose, but the purpose has been lost. i try to live my life following the laws as they should be, not as they are because i do not agree with them as they are. i am living my life the way i think is right, and i'm flourishing without screwing other people over. so who is right? i consider myself a moral person, and i consider myself to be a person with integrity. but people are afraid of integrity because they don't like to be reminded that they lack it.

i simply can't admit that i am doing things wrong. i can't admit that i am a failure, and if i am, i have no interest in succeeding.

this is why i don't blog anymore. who cares? everything i say is going to be misconstrued anyways. it will be twisted around until even i think it is blasphemous and wrong. i'm done with that. fuck it. i don't care what all the morons think about what i have to say. it isn't even worth my time to say it anymore. thats the sad truth. i used to think that there were enough good people in the world to combat the forces of stupidity. i no longer believe this. i am trying my best to remove myself from the world and surround myself with things that fit into my own ideal of what the world should be. it is disheartening, because i find myself alone most of the time. i think that deep down, there are a lot of people out there who think like me, but who suppress themselves just to be functional members of society. there is hope. eventually something will happen. people will actually start thinking again. they will realize what is going on, and rebel against stupidity. either that, or the world will be destroyed by the stupid. honestly, to me, either outcome is acceptable. if people are actually as stupid as i am led to think they are, we deserve to be destroyed. life is short anyways.

it won't happen though. things can't be stupid for ever. even if i am alone, i'll always know that something better is possible, and it is very easy to obtain if they really want it. i will be living proof to myself, and in the end its all the proof i need. my ideal is alive as long as i am living it

frivved up by Ben at 2:38 PM