Wednesday, May 28, 2003
oh, just i don't even really know, it was work..... i made $13 in tips on 3 deliveries. i have no idea what i'm going to do on friday. the manager isn't going to be there, i'm going to be running around randomly, hiding, hiding, HIDING! so scared ;)
Monday, May 26, 2003
alright. first, give props where props are due. this is from me via matt via kevin. i'm taking no credit.
ok, so how do i say this so you will believe me. i don't give a shit what kind of music you like. i don't care if you hate bluegrass music, or all country music. i'm not a fan of country music myself. but yeah, download Nickel Creek's self titled album. it is one of the must incredible things i have ever heard. i guess you could classify it as contemporary bluegrass. but yeah, these guys are all under 20 years old, and just listen to the mad skills. you will love this album whoever you are
i don't go off the deep end about things on my blog a whole lot, but i'm freaking impressed, and i don't like bluegrass
ok, so how do i say this so you will believe me. i don't give a shit what kind of music you like. i don't care if you hate bluegrass music, or all country music. i'm not a fan of country music myself. but yeah, download Nickel Creek's self titled album. it is one of the must incredible things i have ever heard. i guess you could classify it as contemporary bluegrass. but yeah, these guys are all under 20 years old, and just listen to the mad skills. you will love this album whoever you are
i don't go off the deep end about things on my blog a whole lot, but i'm freaking impressed, and i don't like bluegrass
Friday, May 16, 2003
i hate the fact that i tend to be a highly irritable guy. i hate this fact because i spend so much time trying to suppress it, and not be irritable. what really makes me mad are the things i end up getting irritated at. they are always such stupid things. its like i've trained myself to not care about the huge things, but somehow the little things still needle into me and i end up pouring out all this stupid irritability when it isn't even necessary. it just blows my whole illusion of myself, thats all. bah. i hate the fact that i have a cold, and the fact that it makes me tired and irritable.
it always seems funny to me when people get mad at other people for using the term hate or love because it is such a "strong term". it gets the point across. when i say i'm dissappointed in this instead of i hate this, whats the point of that? it just leaves me open to interpretation from myself which is counterproductive, because it leaves me squabbling about things with myself before they have gained any importance. if i sit here arguing with myself about stupid little shit, i never form any real ideas to break down. like later, if i need to say "ok, i don't hate this" thats great. but if i say i hate this, it has a sense of finality, and lets me move on to bigger and better things. if i used vague language in my head, i'd never get fucking anywhere. vagueness has its purpose, like when you are talking to other people and you don't care enough to put yourself on the line for something. which is a lot of times. but when i'm around my friends, i'll say i hate this, i hate that. if you are smart, you will realize who i am, and realize i'm spouting shit again. i probably don't really hate such and such, but at this point it is easier to say so.
it also lets me realllly get into the emotion, like really suck all i can out of it. that way, if it is stupid, i can leech it out of my system or something. sometimes you need to go off, just so you can see how stupid you were. its also kind of fun. i'm not really full of hate. hatred is a vessel i use to understand myself better. its just like when i say i love this, or i love that. i don't really love half of the songs i say i love. i mean shit, my favorite songs of the moment? favorite is a strong term too.
its just fooling my mind with simple shit, so i don't have to worry about it and can move on. try it some time. say you hate something. you don't have to mean it, but there is a certain finality to it. most of the time, you sit there for a second. you reached a decision so fast, you have a lull in the thought, because you didn't have anything else to move on to. well, try moving on. people are quickwitted because they can take something in, process it, and move on. i have a quick wit. it usually takes a bit to really stump me with something i'm actually paying attention too. its why i can have fake conversations so well, because i can process what the other person said so fast, and come up with a believeable answer. to many people, i dunno what they do. its like they take too much time to take things in, or too much time to realize the implication of what has just been said. its like, i dunno. maybe this is why arguements can get so stupid sometimes. people stop taking in what the other person has to say, so you end up making the same point over and over and over without ever getting anywhere. but you are expected to answer, you gotta say something. so you say the same thing.
arguements that last over a minute or so are thus a waste of time. with most people, at least, most people you should just come to a quick decision in your head, make your point, then walk off. don't explore it further, because its stupid. but it doesn't happen. its almost better that way, if you can keep your feelings out of it. don't make it personal. you make your few points at the very beginning, then immerse yourself into the stupidity without losing yourself too it. some people have the wits about them to keep it up foreeeeever. like me and matt, we are generally on top of things. but we both love arguing, when it really comes down to it. we love arguing enough, that we will make up arguements with eachother. we both know when its happening. but we will argue about the dumbest shit for the longest periods of time, without ever reaching a result. in the end, we always come to a point where we are both happy that we made our point. usually i lose, because i conceed that i'm out of points first, because matt a lot more of that quick arguing wit that i have. but i can hang.
its like a game. to many people argue for reals. if you take it seriously, stuff just gets too dumb. this is why most conversations disolve into such crap. at least in my opinion. if i'm wrong, make your point, i'll see what else i got :D
it always seems funny to me when people get mad at other people for using the term hate or love because it is such a "strong term". it gets the point across. when i say i'm dissappointed in this instead of i hate this, whats the point of that? it just leaves me open to interpretation from myself which is counterproductive, because it leaves me squabbling about things with myself before they have gained any importance. if i sit here arguing with myself about stupid little shit, i never form any real ideas to break down. like later, if i need to say "ok, i don't hate this" thats great. but if i say i hate this, it has a sense of finality, and lets me move on to bigger and better things. if i used vague language in my head, i'd never get fucking anywhere. vagueness has its purpose, like when you are talking to other people and you don't care enough to put yourself on the line for something. which is a lot of times. but when i'm around my friends, i'll say i hate this, i hate that. if you are smart, you will realize who i am, and realize i'm spouting shit again. i probably don't really hate such and such, but at this point it is easier to say so.
it also lets me realllly get into the emotion, like really suck all i can out of it. that way, if it is stupid, i can leech it out of my system or something. sometimes you need to go off, just so you can see how stupid you were. its also kind of fun. i'm not really full of hate. hatred is a vessel i use to understand myself better. its just like when i say i love this, or i love that. i don't really love half of the songs i say i love. i mean shit, my favorite songs of the moment? favorite is a strong term too.
its just fooling my mind with simple shit, so i don't have to worry about it and can move on. try it some time. say you hate something. you don't have to mean it, but there is a certain finality to it. most of the time, you sit there for a second. you reached a decision so fast, you have a lull in the thought, because you didn't have anything else to move on to. well, try moving on. people are quickwitted because they can take something in, process it, and move on. i have a quick wit. it usually takes a bit to really stump me with something i'm actually paying attention too. its why i can have fake conversations so well, because i can process what the other person said so fast, and come up with a believeable answer. to many people, i dunno what they do. its like they take too much time to take things in, or too much time to realize the implication of what has just been said. its like, i dunno. maybe this is why arguements can get so stupid sometimes. people stop taking in what the other person has to say, so you end up making the same point over and over and over without ever getting anywhere. but you are expected to answer, you gotta say something. so you say the same thing.
arguements that last over a minute or so are thus a waste of time. with most people, at least, most people you should just come to a quick decision in your head, make your point, then walk off. don't explore it further, because its stupid. but it doesn't happen. its almost better that way, if you can keep your feelings out of it. don't make it personal. you make your few points at the very beginning, then immerse yourself into the stupidity without losing yourself too it. some people have the wits about them to keep it up foreeeeever. like me and matt, we are generally on top of things. but we both love arguing, when it really comes down to it. we love arguing enough, that we will make up arguements with eachother. we both know when its happening. but we will argue about the dumbest shit for the longest periods of time, without ever reaching a result. in the end, we always come to a point where we are both happy that we made our point. usually i lose, because i conceed that i'm out of points first, because matt a lot more of that quick arguing wit that i have. but i can hang.
its like a game. to many people argue for reals. if you take it seriously, stuff just gets too dumb. this is why most conversations disolve into such crap. at least in my opinion. if i'm wrong, make your point, i'll see what else i got :D
Sunday, May 11, 2003
bwah!!! matt!!!! check your email!!! i'm all hopped up on goofball cocktails and i think there is important stuff we need to take care of
/me freaking out running in circles
/me freaking out running in circles
Saturday, May 10, 2003
OH GOD
so yeah, searching for some stuff about newfoundland. i talked out of my ass a lot, BUT BUT, remember when i was yelling about the Inuit tribe? GUESS WHAT. the inuit tribe actually has history in newfoundland. i'm not saying i have any inuit ancestry, but the inuits are actually from newfoundland among other places. i should be awarded points in that arguement, because i actually brought up the inuit tribe specifically. ask kato.
i know it is impossible to beat matt in an arguement because he will never admit defeat, or listen, or even really accept rational thought as a form of communication, but the fact that i had facts backing up my side, and all he had was an ever increasing sound level should default victory to me. even if i'm wrong, i'm still proud of my newfoundlandish heritage (pfffffft, lol sure i am.... but who the hell knows anything about newfoundland anyways). i mean shit, people claim to be puerto rican, but its a territory owned by the united states. why can't i have newfoundlandish ancestry? its not a country, it doesn't count!!! now that matt is safely out of the state, i can stick my tongue out and claim my victory, nyah nyah ;)
in conclusion, matt left before i had sobered up, so the arguement is still going on. he forfeited his right to a final statement by leaving, so i am taking this opportunity to say, my point is TEH WINNAR! sorry matt, this post has been entirely at your expense. actually i'm not sorry because, well, it brings me pleasure :)
so yeah, searching for some stuff about newfoundland. i talked out of my ass a lot, BUT BUT, remember when i was yelling about the Inuit tribe? GUESS WHAT. the inuit tribe actually has history in newfoundland. i'm not saying i have any inuit ancestry, but the inuits are actually from newfoundland among other places. i should be awarded points in that arguement, because i actually brought up the inuit tribe specifically. ask kato.
i know it is impossible to beat matt in an arguement because he will never admit defeat, or listen, or even really accept rational thought as a form of communication, but the fact that i had facts backing up my side, and all he had was an ever increasing sound level should default victory to me. even if i'm wrong, i'm still proud of my newfoundlandish heritage (pfffffft, lol sure i am.... but who the hell knows anything about newfoundland anyways). i mean shit, people claim to be puerto rican, but its a territory owned by the united states. why can't i have newfoundlandish ancestry? its not a country, it doesn't count!!! now that matt is safely out of the state, i can stick my tongue out and claim my victory, nyah nyah ;)
in conclusion, matt left before i had sobered up, so the arguement is still going on. he forfeited his right to a final statement by leaving, so i am taking this opportunity to say, my point is TEH WINNAR! sorry matt, this post has been entirely at your expense. actually i'm not sorry because, well, it brings me pleasure :)
ohhhhhh, ouchies
some one fill me in. i remember newfoundland played a major role in my night but i don't know why. i think i was pretty worked up about it. reason #423 wank shouldn't get THAT drunk
some one fill me in. i remember newfoundland played a major role in my night but i don't know why. i think i was pretty worked up about it. reason #423 wank shouldn't get THAT drunk
Friday, May 09, 2003
i seem to have won an all expenses paid trip into my subconcious. i'm living in a walking dream right now, and its pretty cool. because i like dreaming, oh man do i like dreaming.
and on a completely unrealtedy note (actually, it is completely related, i lied because i like that term), i watched the animatrix dvd today. there are some wacky moviemabobs on there. i was left kind of dizzy, pretty happy, a little stoked, and a lot in awe. this world that the matrix created is kind of spiralling out of control, and i'm just trying to cling on to one of the sentinals little tenticles so i don't get left behind. eventually i figure i'll be able to leap frog over the bad guys and join the good guys, but i'm still scrambling now. i mean, the matrix made a lot of people think about a lot of stuff that they never would have thought about before. the animatrix is now making me think about a lot of stuff i hadn't thought about before. and now, there are 2 more movies left, in the same world, made by the same people that kicked my ass the first time, and i have no idea what i'm getting myself into. i can't decide whether i sound like the quintessential geek right now, or the quintessential druggie right now. somehow, i wish i could wander around in leather and find a hip and edgy medium between the two. i'm a geek, and i'm a druggie. of course i'm going to sound like this. how the hell else am i supposed to sound? sweet, i even have a leather jacket.
this is where i'm at right now. in the span of about a minute and thirty seconds, you just witnessed me go through this awed breakthrough, question said breakthrough, tear said breakthrough apart like it was just some stupid figment of my imagination, only to realize that what i said made sense to me, so it wasn't even a breakthrough, and it was impossible to breakdown. if you read my blog, you can probably see how fantastically entertaining that was for me.
but anyways, i've been reading these articles about how geekdom is uniting behind the ludicrocity of the matrix. if ludicrocity isn't a word, it is in my mind. it is the word my thoughts said, so i put it there. if you dont' like it, insert your own word. but yeah, they were making the matrix sound, well, geeky. the problem is, the matrix is incredibly cool, which is kind of counter to the whole geeky thing. i mean, i don't think there are a lot of people who don't agree that the matrix was amazing in a cool hip sort of way. does this mean that geek culture is suddenly becoming cool? because if geeks controlled what was cool and what wasn't, what would that make me? i mean, i'm a geek and all, but i have ungeekish qualities. like, there is a real world beyond my computer that i can see. if geeks take over the world, is that going to make me ultra-powerful? i mean, i kind of see myself in some ways as an ambassador between geekdom and normalcy. i'm a pretty agreeable guy, no matter who you are. maybe it is my job to rule the world so geeks can live at their computer in peace. maybe thats why i've been relegated to this whole involuntary vow of chastity thing, so all those geeks who aren't getting laid will love me and relate to me, so they will gather behind me. imagine how great that would be. if geeks were the "in" population, but none of them went outside, that would leave me to do whatever i wanted. girls tend to flock towards the top of the food chain, and well, with all the rest of the predators safely playing quake 3, i'd have my pick of everyone.
i need to write a story about this. the great things about all the stories i write is things always end up pretty well for me. if i ruled the world, i bet other people would build me my castle, i wouldn't even have to do anything at all.
phew man, now THAT was quintessential druggie/geek thinking right there :D someday i'll come back and read this, and i'll just sit back and let this state of mind wash over me, and it will remind me that i need to go get more drugs. heee heee heeee, i'm not even doing anything illegal tonight, take that you moral grandstand wankers!!!! i can free my mind without breaking your silly laws!!!!
ok i'll shut up now :X
but yeah, call me a geek. i love the matrix because it makes me think about things i wouldn't have thought about before.
and on a completely unrealtedy note (actually, it is completely related, i lied because i like that term), i watched the animatrix dvd today. there are some wacky moviemabobs on there. i was left kind of dizzy, pretty happy, a little stoked, and a lot in awe. this world that the matrix created is kind of spiralling out of control, and i'm just trying to cling on to one of the sentinals little tenticles so i don't get left behind. eventually i figure i'll be able to leap frog over the bad guys and join the good guys, but i'm still scrambling now. i mean, the matrix made a lot of people think about a lot of stuff that they never would have thought about before. the animatrix is now making me think about a lot of stuff i hadn't thought about before. and now, there are 2 more movies left, in the same world, made by the same people that kicked my ass the first time, and i have no idea what i'm getting myself into. i can't decide whether i sound like the quintessential geek right now, or the quintessential druggie right now. somehow, i wish i could wander around in leather and find a hip and edgy medium between the two. i'm a geek, and i'm a druggie. of course i'm going to sound like this. how the hell else am i supposed to sound? sweet, i even have a leather jacket.
this is where i'm at right now. in the span of about a minute and thirty seconds, you just witnessed me go through this awed breakthrough, question said breakthrough, tear said breakthrough apart like it was just some stupid figment of my imagination, only to realize that what i said made sense to me, so it wasn't even a breakthrough, and it was impossible to breakdown. if you read my blog, you can probably see how fantastically entertaining that was for me.
but anyways, i've been reading these articles about how geekdom is uniting behind the ludicrocity of the matrix. if ludicrocity isn't a word, it is in my mind. it is the word my thoughts said, so i put it there. if you dont' like it, insert your own word. but yeah, they were making the matrix sound, well, geeky. the problem is, the matrix is incredibly cool, which is kind of counter to the whole geeky thing. i mean, i don't think there are a lot of people who don't agree that the matrix was amazing in a cool hip sort of way. does this mean that geek culture is suddenly becoming cool? because if geeks controlled what was cool and what wasn't, what would that make me? i mean, i'm a geek and all, but i have ungeekish qualities. like, there is a real world beyond my computer that i can see. if geeks take over the world, is that going to make me ultra-powerful? i mean, i kind of see myself in some ways as an ambassador between geekdom and normalcy. i'm a pretty agreeable guy, no matter who you are. maybe it is my job to rule the world so geeks can live at their computer in peace. maybe thats why i've been relegated to this whole involuntary vow of chastity thing, so all those geeks who aren't getting laid will love me and relate to me, so they will gather behind me. imagine how great that would be. if geeks were the "in" population, but none of them went outside, that would leave me to do whatever i wanted. girls tend to flock towards the top of the food chain, and well, with all the rest of the predators safely playing quake 3, i'd have my pick of everyone.
i need to write a story about this. the great things about all the stories i write is things always end up pretty well for me. if i ruled the world, i bet other people would build me my castle, i wouldn't even have to do anything at all.
phew man, now THAT was quintessential druggie/geek thinking right there :D someday i'll come back and read this, and i'll just sit back and let this state of mind wash over me, and it will remind me that i need to go get more drugs. heee heee heeee, i'm not even doing anything illegal tonight, take that you moral grandstand wankers!!!! i can free my mind without breaking your silly laws!!!!
ok i'll shut up now :X
but yeah, call me a geek. i love the matrix because it makes me think about things i wouldn't have thought about before.
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Friday, May 02, 2003
here's the thing. i usually have all these wacky ideas when i'm not sober, then try to hammer out the details when i am sober. i think more genius lies in the creation of an idea than the perfection of it. those first few glorious moments down a new thought pattern you've never had before are worth more to me than actually coming to any sort of conclusion.
this whole sobriety thing makes me feel less creative. of course, when i was never sober, i felt stupid all the time. the last few months before now have been great, because i think i had found a great balanced between sober and not sober. it took both the intelligent parts of the two and kind of combined them into one coherent happy mindset. of course, this sobriety thing has been kind of fun. i'm looking forward to a few more weeks or months of it to kind of clear my head and give me perspective on things. well, perspective on my drugs i guess at least ;)
blah, i sound so retarded. but drugs are important to me, i'll admit it. exploring the different ways my mind will react is important to me. understanding the way i think about things, and the way i will react to different situations is important to me. lets face it, if you can understand the way your mind is going to work all tweaked out, understanding yourself sober is a piece of fucking cake. it is kind of cool. escape is no longer the deciding factor. oh, it is a great side benefit, but i don't do drugs anymore to escape. in fact, i like doing drugs more when i don't want to escape. i know what drugs will do what to me. its all entertainment. its kind of like watching a movie, going into a different make believe world for a few hours, only you can control it. i mean shit, why do people trash this point of view. people enjoy movies for the same reason, why can't i actually enjoy drugs and have it be a constructive experience. has anyone every actually had a bad experience around me when i'm stoned?
blah, i trash people for things i don't understand all the time. blah, i'm a knob. a sober knob with nothing else to do but complain. always complaining about something. but, what else am i going to do? i'm not have any strokes of genius right now, so you get me dwelling on shit i've already thought about, aka complaining about shit. oh well
this whole sobriety thing makes me feel less creative. of course, when i was never sober, i felt stupid all the time. the last few months before now have been great, because i think i had found a great balanced between sober and not sober. it took both the intelligent parts of the two and kind of combined them into one coherent happy mindset. of course, this sobriety thing has been kind of fun. i'm looking forward to a few more weeks or months of it to kind of clear my head and give me perspective on things. well, perspective on my drugs i guess at least ;)
blah, i sound so retarded. but drugs are important to me, i'll admit it. exploring the different ways my mind will react is important to me. understanding the way i think about things, and the way i will react to different situations is important to me. lets face it, if you can understand the way your mind is going to work all tweaked out, understanding yourself sober is a piece of fucking cake. it is kind of cool. escape is no longer the deciding factor. oh, it is a great side benefit, but i don't do drugs anymore to escape. in fact, i like doing drugs more when i don't want to escape. i know what drugs will do what to me. its all entertainment. its kind of like watching a movie, going into a different make believe world for a few hours, only you can control it. i mean shit, why do people trash this point of view. people enjoy movies for the same reason, why can't i actually enjoy drugs and have it be a constructive experience. has anyone every actually had a bad experience around me when i'm stoned?
blah, i trash people for things i don't understand all the time. blah, i'm a knob. a sober knob with nothing else to do but complain. always complaining about something. but, what else am i going to do? i'm not have any strokes of genius right now, so you get me dwelling on shit i've already thought about, aka complaining about shit. oh well
Thursday, May 01, 2003
