Monday, April 28, 2003
this house has some wierd ass acoustics. the bass that matts sub puts out reverberates through my walls like a tin can. we have both commented on the fact that the bass is louder in my room than it is in his when he has his music on. i don't think it works anywhere else in this little duplex thing, because you can barely hear it all in the bathroom or living room. i always get paranoid that the next door neighbor is going to complain, but i don't think he gets any of the sound because he hasn't complained. i mean, except for the first night, when matt didn't realize how loud he actually played his music downstairs underground at the other house without anyone hearing. god i miss having music that loud down there. we'd get stoned and throw on whatever the fuck we wanted and just CRANK it. we'd all end up just freaking out and falling over on the crazy futon matress in the middle of his floor. sometimes you just need loud ass music. it takes over your body. this whole music thing here is just so wierd, you know? i don't have a problem with it, because whenever he is listening to music i am listening and enjoying too. my speakers (which are the same kind as his) can't override the bass that his speakers put out. it is borderline hilarious, when you think about it. i just don't understand. i'm sure there is some obvious explaination for it, like the positioning of the sub in his closet finds a perfect central point to bounce the sound around at just the right level that it transmits straight to my room.
it is one of those things about this house that i just kind of love, because its funny. like every damn time someone hits their head on the window sill. like smoking in the bathroom with the shower on. like the heater that just turns on randomly, even though it should be off. like how the same heater will actually turn on more sometimes when you turn the handle down. like the concrete closet we have in the corner that is really the front door, but is now blocked off by the old futon matress matt used to have in his room. it all works so well. everything here either has a purpose, or doesn't detract enough to do something about. humor value everywhere. like the monkeys and their sign. the christina picture above our tv. this place was a great find.
it is one of those things about this house that i just kind of love, because its funny. like every damn time someone hits their head on the window sill. like smoking in the bathroom with the shower on. like the heater that just turns on randomly, even though it should be off. like how the same heater will actually turn on more sometimes when you turn the handle down. like the concrete closet we have in the corner that is really the front door, but is now blocked off by the old futon matress matt used to have in his room. it all works so well. everything here either has a purpose, or doesn't detract enough to do something about. humor value everywhere. like the monkeys and their sign. the christina picture above our tv. this place was a great find.
Sunday, April 27, 2003
dun dun, dunnanana, dunanana, dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun, doo doo doooo, doodly dee
bum bum, boodly beeee, beedledy bee bee bee, boo bah bee bah bee
boo bee bee bee, boo bee bee bah bee, boo beee beee, beedly beee
la laaaa, lalalalal, lalalaa, lalalalalaaaaa,
la la laa la, lalala lala, lalalala, lalala!
wank wank, widdly wank, wizzledy wank, wazzly wizznizzank
wank wank wank wank, waddly wank wank wank, wa wank wank wa wa wank
zelda theme running through my head
zelda theme running through my head
zelda theme runnign though myhead
zeldatheme running through my head
zelda themee running thorugh my head
zeldathieme runign thorugh myhead
zeldathemeehrugning throubmehyehad
gah, sobriety is a dangerous thing. i think my mind has just up and turned off. i'm about to start poking myself with stuff just because i can. it would be better than not poking myself with stuff i suppose........
or is it? DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!
DUN DUN, DUN DUNDUDUN!!! DUN DUNDDUN, DUNDUDNDUDNDUDN, DUDN UDNDUDND, DUDNDNDNDND, DUN DUN DUN, DUNNANANANUN!!
dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun, doo doo doooo, doodly dee
bum bum, boodly beeee, beedledy bee bee bee, boo bah bee bah bee
boo bee bee bee, boo bee bee bah bee, boo beee beee, beedly beee
la laaaa, lalalalal, lalalaa, lalalalalaaaaa,
la la laa la, lalala lala, lalalala, lalala!
wank wank, widdly wank, wizzledy wank, wazzly wizznizzank
wank wank wank wank, waddly wank wank wank, wa wank wank wa wa wank
zelda theme running through my head
zelda theme running through my head
zelda theme runnign though myhead
zeldatheme running through my head
zelda themee running thorugh my head
zeldathieme runign thorugh myhead
zeldathemeehrugning throubmehyehad
gah, sobriety is a dangerous thing. i think my mind has just up and turned off. i'm about to start poking myself with stuff just because i can. it would be better than not poking myself with stuff i suppose........
or is it? DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!
DUN DUN, DUN DUNDUDUN!!! DUN DUNDDUN, DUNDUDNDUDNDUDN, DUDN UDNDUDND, DUDNDNDNDND, DUN DUN DUN, DUNNANANANUN!!
Friday, April 25, 2003
sometimes, very rarely, one bathroom is not enough for 2 people. 2 minutes maybe, 2 minutes of pain. and now, 2 minutes are up.
bathroom poetry hour, by wank
(thats as close to poetry as i get)
bathroom poetry hour, by wank
(thats as close to poetry as i get)
Thursday, April 24, 2003
so, this guy on irc is claiming to be jesus. i don't think he quite understands the ramifications of making such a claim. it comes with a responsibility. when i claim to be jesus, it involves planning and dedication. i'm all for people claiming to be jesus, as long as they do it right. its all about attention anyways, but he is only going to get negative attention, and it saddens me. claiming to be jesus is a pretty serious thing when you think about it. i don't consider myself jesus, more of a jesus impersonator. kind of like elvis is dead, but people still love to go to vegas and see him kind of thing. there are a lot of similarities, king of rock, king of kings, etc etc. if elvis can have impersonators, why not jesus?
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
oh yeah, guess what. wank is about to take over the #1 search word from sluts again. hilarity, and i don't know why
hee heeee
i love showers. not necessarily because i like to be clean, but because of the ideas that come out of my head when i am inside of them. so yeah, i was thinking about this whole get your picture taken with jesus idea at the uvilliage. it started off as me thinking about the donation jar. i figure we should have free pictures, but donations accepted. and have a sign that says "the lord ain't greedy" or something like that. then i was thinking we should have different backdrops to put people in, like a beach theme, and like get your picture taken with wings and a halo with jesus out in front of the pearly gates, and have little silly slogans at the bottom of them all, like "What Would Jesus 'n Me Do? We're going to disneyland!" you get the picture.
so yeah, this thing kind of spiraled around, and got me thinking about what it would be like to just chill with jesus. so i started thinking about circumstances where i could chill with the eternal soul of jesus. also, i started thinking about advice jesus might give to people, like "don't worry about death, you can always reincarnate yourself. its not that hard, hell, i pulled it off" so i started thinking about dying, and after dying ending up on the loading platform of this train station. one train headed to heaven, one to hell. i see all these people. they are really souls, but souls see other souls as people. anyways, all these people are freaking out, because they think this is the final judgement, and are wailing, and getting on whatever train is closest because they figure this is it. most people go straight in, without even looking around. i'm kind of confused, because i was probably pretty stoned when i died, so i wander around for a bit, talk to the train conductor dudes and stuff. i realize that i don't have to get on a train, just that most people do because they think they are supposed too. so i just leave. i walk through the doors into the train station, and then out the front door and call a cab. it turns out i'm in this little town called Purgatory, Indiana. anyways, i'm a soul, and people can't see me, so i have to flag a cab with mental suggestion. i finally get this cabby to stop, and just tell him to head west so hopefully i can get back to my body. he's like, i've never been west before, i'll go there. i can control him through suggestion, kind of. i'm careful he doesn't find out so he doesn't freak out and stuff. i figure since people were going to heaven and hell, there are probably some greater powers at work and i want to keep things on the downlow while i figure shit out.
so yeah, we get out of the city limits, and this dude pops up next to me in the back seat. he introduces himself as jesus, and is just really excited because i am the first person in 1000 years or so who has actually made it out of the city limits. i'm like, shouldn't you be in heaven? he goes on about how its about time for him to do something spectacular to keep the kiddies in line. i'm like dude, its 2003, you are off by a few years, and he tells me this story about how he spent a few years in an opium den that have just kinda been stricken from the record. so during our cab ride west, we strike up a conversation, and he explains the whole death thing to me, and heaven and hell, kind of this "afterlife for dummies" crash course. he explains to me that souls can inhabit any body after they die, even their own if they get their fast enough. he tells me that people just kind of jump to their own conclusions based on whatever expectation they had of the afterlife when they died. he takes me to india, where the hindu guys are showing up at their train station and jumping inside of the first man, animal, or insect they see, yelling about karma the entire time. he tells me that they are getting closer, but most of them end up as stray dogs or cats, or random housewives out shopping.
i figure in the story, he'll invite me to go along with him on his next big extravaganza, and we can tool around meeting people, setting up our vessels for our take over and stuff. he's jesus, so he can just kind of control things. he gives our cabby like $20000 out of an atm, you know, just kind of every day miracle stuff. i figure most people and animals are just empty vessels anyways. maybe thats why so many people seem to be such wankers. too many souls just head to heaven, so the body they had set up for the next round just kind of continues on right where they were when they left without ever really changing. but yeah, me and JC, reshaping the world. we'll probably head out and have some of our friends kill themselves and go meet them at the train station.
this could be a pretty funny movie or book or something. now i have it on paper. this entire page is Copyright Ben Harding © 2003, so don't go jacking my story
i love showers. not necessarily because i like to be clean, but because of the ideas that come out of my head when i am inside of them. so yeah, i was thinking about this whole get your picture taken with jesus idea at the uvilliage. it started off as me thinking about the donation jar. i figure we should have free pictures, but donations accepted. and have a sign that says "the lord ain't greedy" or something like that. then i was thinking we should have different backdrops to put people in, like a beach theme, and like get your picture taken with wings and a halo with jesus out in front of the pearly gates, and have little silly slogans at the bottom of them all, like "What Would Jesus 'n Me Do? We're going to disneyland!" you get the picture.
so yeah, this thing kind of spiraled around, and got me thinking about what it would be like to just chill with jesus. so i started thinking about circumstances where i could chill with the eternal soul of jesus. also, i started thinking about advice jesus might give to people, like "don't worry about death, you can always reincarnate yourself. its not that hard, hell, i pulled it off" so i started thinking about dying, and after dying ending up on the loading platform of this train station. one train headed to heaven, one to hell. i see all these people. they are really souls, but souls see other souls as people. anyways, all these people are freaking out, because they think this is the final judgement, and are wailing, and getting on whatever train is closest because they figure this is it. most people go straight in, without even looking around. i'm kind of confused, because i was probably pretty stoned when i died, so i wander around for a bit, talk to the train conductor dudes and stuff. i realize that i don't have to get on a train, just that most people do because they think they are supposed too. so i just leave. i walk through the doors into the train station, and then out the front door and call a cab. it turns out i'm in this little town called Purgatory, Indiana. anyways, i'm a soul, and people can't see me, so i have to flag a cab with mental suggestion. i finally get this cabby to stop, and just tell him to head west so hopefully i can get back to my body. he's like, i've never been west before, i'll go there. i can control him through suggestion, kind of. i'm careful he doesn't find out so he doesn't freak out and stuff. i figure since people were going to heaven and hell, there are probably some greater powers at work and i want to keep things on the downlow while i figure shit out.
so yeah, we get out of the city limits, and this dude pops up next to me in the back seat. he introduces himself as jesus, and is just really excited because i am the first person in 1000 years or so who has actually made it out of the city limits. i'm like, shouldn't you be in heaven? he goes on about how its about time for him to do something spectacular to keep the kiddies in line. i'm like dude, its 2003, you are off by a few years, and he tells me this story about how he spent a few years in an opium den that have just kinda been stricken from the record. so during our cab ride west, we strike up a conversation, and he explains the whole death thing to me, and heaven and hell, kind of this "afterlife for dummies" crash course. he explains to me that souls can inhabit any body after they die, even their own if they get their fast enough. he tells me that people just kind of jump to their own conclusions based on whatever expectation they had of the afterlife when they died. he takes me to india, where the hindu guys are showing up at their train station and jumping inside of the first man, animal, or insect they see, yelling about karma the entire time. he tells me that they are getting closer, but most of them end up as stray dogs or cats, or random housewives out shopping.
i figure in the story, he'll invite me to go along with him on his next big extravaganza, and we can tool around meeting people, setting up our vessels for our take over and stuff. he's jesus, so he can just kind of control things. he gives our cabby like $20000 out of an atm, you know, just kind of every day miracle stuff. i figure most people and animals are just empty vessels anyways. maybe thats why so many people seem to be such wankers. too many souls just head to heaven, so the body they had set up for the next round just kind of continues on right where they were when they left without ever really changing. but yeah, me and JC, reshaping the world. we'll probably head out and have some of our friends kill themselves and go meet them at the train station.
this could be a pretty funny movie or book or something. now i have it on paper. this entire page is Copyright Ben Harding © 2003, so don't go jacking my story
Sunday, April 20, 2003
so yeah, i got drunk, i got belligerent, i don't really remember parts of it, all the signs of a good night, haha. i think there was yelling involved, a whole lot of pool....
all hail everyone else, because i don't have a leg to stand on if i brag, or say anything in general. everyone wins, i lose
all hail everyone else, because i don't have a leg to stand on if i brag, or say anything in general. everyone wins, i lose
i think it is really good to at least recognize when you have been knocked down a peg or two, or three. and thusly, at least accept my fate. it is a healthy thing, and will only lead to greater periods of prosperity. bling bling, pop wood, and goodnight yall.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
i wish instant prostitutes were real. i wish my instant prostitutes website was still up so everyone would know what i am talking about. final fantasy is throwing all us horn dogs a bone with their new sequel to FFX. it looks like the main characters are all women, are all scantily clad, and are all openly bi-curious (based on what i've heard about the dialogue). they even have different outfits they wear. the people who made those games have always gone out of their way to make the greatest cg women they can, because they are just horny fanboys like the rest of us. after seeing some of the artwork that has popped up with the rest of the buzz surrounding the game, all i have to say is thank you. i don't care if the game sucks, it has hot yuna in hot pants, and rikku in a miniskirt that covers about 4 inches of her humpables. goodness, it is enough to leave me drooling for more artwork, screw the game.
instant prostitutes would be great. just throw a yuna cube in the pan, add water, and there you go. instant fantasy in one environmentally friendly package. three easy payments of $19.99. man, i so miss that site. that website was a part of my self-proclaimed genius that doesn't get nearly enough credit, i mean that was gold. soooo far ahead of its time.
instant prostitutes would be great. just throw a yuna cube in the pan, add water, and there you go. instant fantasy in one environmentally friendly package. three easy payments of $19.99. man, i so miss that site. that website was a part of my self-proclaimed genius that doesn't get nearly enough credit, i mean that was gold. soooo far ahead of its time.
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
i need it to snow so i can make one of these in my front yard. it seems to be a slut magnet. a flexible slut with pom poms magnet. sign me up
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
i kinda hate the prospect of having a job. if i get this job, i'm probably going to have a 1.5 - 2 hour commute in the morning. i'm going to have to be up by 5 to leave by 6 to work for 9 hours or so to be back by 6 if i'm lucky. there is 13 hours wasted. if i'm smart, i'll go to bed by like 9 or 10 so i can get enough sleep to not feel like shit. that gives me 3 or 4 hours a day for myself. the prize? barely enough money to pay rent, insurance, utilities, food, blah blah blah. get a job, yeah, no problem. change your entire fucking life around, yeah no problem. enough money to get a pizza on the weekend, if you save cash by not eating lunch during the week. every month or so i'll have enough cash to go see a movie. FUCK. my fantasy world in my head is so much better.
yeah, so i'm complaining. i do it a lot. just tune me out, i'm ranting to myself. i'm also over exaggerating. i'll never be in bed by 10. i'll have enough money for 2 pizzas. i'll be a sleepless zombie, but hey who cares. who needs creativity when you can be a slave monkey working for loose change.
the job, i'm not sure about the job. its a job. we'll see how long i last. my guess, not too long because i'm a moron like that. these past months spoiled me, but where necessary. i would have killed myself if i had to stay around any longer. oh well, back to big people's life with the rest of the world. next 30 years of my life, here i come.
yeah, so i'm complaining. i do it a lot. just tune me out, i'm ranting to myself. i'm also over exaggerating. i'll never be in bed by 10. i'll have enough money for 2 pizzas. i'll be a sleepless zombie, but hey who cares. who needs creativity when you can be a slave monkey working for loose change.
the job, i'm not sure about the job. its a job. we'll see how long i last. my guess, not too long because i'm a moron like that. these past months spoiled me, but where necessary. i would have killed myself if i had to stay around any longer. oh well, back to big people's life with the rest of the world. next 30 years of my life, here i come.
Monday, April 14, 2003
oh yeah, and sometimes i do feel superior to people. not one specific person, but people in general. to say otherwise would be a cover up, just to make sure people don't start hating me for being all cocky. most of the time the sad truth is that i am not superior to people, and it comes and bites me in the ass. but lets face it. i'm an optimist now. i haven't always been an optimist. i used to think that it was better to never get hurt or caught on my bullshit and instead i would say i was inferior. but fuck it. its just what i think. its not like i act superior to everyone all the time or anything. i am average, and i generally act pretty average. what does it really matter if in my spare time i entertain myself by thinking i am something special. in the world of wank, there can be only one wank. i am the one. neo's just keanu reeves in leather and pale makeup. i can be whatever i want to be, and usually i think about being a superhero or some religious prophet or a king, or whatever else can make me the general asskicking guy i like to think i am when no one else is around.
the wierd thing is, ryan beat me too this whole superiority subject, and i'm kind of pissed, because that would have been a damn fine blog on its own. now its just an afterthought to a response to a post on ryans blog :) ahh well, c'est la vie.
this whole explaination on superiority is just a way for me to excuse the fact that i'm trying to explain to ryan the way he thinks when i don't have a clue. i may be overstepping my bounds but HA!!! you are in my mind now, sucka. if you don't like it, you can take your wings and the bolts of lightning you can shoot at people and go hang out in someone elses mind. that goes for all of you in fact. oh well, i owe him some caring because he im'ed me a few nights ago and ended up with me drunk and yelling shit about stuff i don't even remember. sorry about that guy. why the fuck am i apologizing!!!!!! i'm not even making sense anymore!!!!!!! shit, i think i had a point about an hour ago, and i think it had something to do with ryan, but i think i lost it and now i'm just grasping at things to talk about to save some of my dignity. its not working, is it. fucked...
the wierd thing is, ryan beat me too this whole superiority subject, and i'm kind of pissed, because that would have been a damn fine blog on its own. now its just an afterthought to a response to a post on ryans blog :) ahh well, c'est la vie.
this whole explaination on superiority is just a way for me to excuse the fact that i'm trying to explain to ryan the way he thinks when i don't have a clue. i may be overstepping my bounds but HA!!! you are in my mind now, sucka. if you don't like it, you can take your wings and the bolts of lightning you can shoot at people and go hang out in someone elses mind. that goes for all of you in fact. oh well, i owe him some caring because he im'ed me a few nights ago and ended up with me drunk and yelling shit about stuff i don't even remember. sorry about that guy. why the fuck am i apologizing!!!!!! i'm not even making sense anymore!!!!!!! shit, i think i had a point about an hour ago, and i think it had something to do with ryan, but i think i lost it and now i'm just grasping at things to talk about to save some of my dignity. its not working, is it. fucked...
who am i to bring this up? hopefully i'm not just people... but hey
man, seeing ryan get bitter is such a trip. if he is getting pissed at people in general, i'm in trouble, because i do shit i'm sure pisses him off. but i know what he's saying... sometimes thinly disguised apathy is the best thing you can give someone, because it makes them feel better, then they owe you one, and you can go off on some random shit later and they can pretend to care back. i feel bad for not caring about people some times, but i figure no one cares what i think half the time. but what is caring. does it really matter if people really care, or are pretending to care? i mean, if everyone knows everyone else is just pretending, it leads to a great atmosphere. people stop talking about such dumb shit, and just start jackassing. i mean, i hate myself when i get all serious and bitchy and crap. it happens to everyone, everyone understands that, thus the thinly disguised apathy. the REAL problem is some people are all serious and bitchy all the time, so thinly disguised apathy turns into just apathy. apathy drives geniuses like ryan and i to bitterness, and bitterness leads to an overall hatred of mankind. people who abuse other people's thinly disguised apathy are just taking advantage of their friendships, and should realize that they are going to piss their friends off. if they don't, well, meh, sucks to be them. i try not to feel bad about dropping the disguise in these cases, because most of the time it is for the greater good of the entire fucking world.
but then you get over it. you get mad at yourself for a few seconds and realize it isn't worth it, because a moment of bitterness is better than the lifetime of bitterness that comes with being all serious and bitchy all the time.
oh yeah, and about the futility of conversation? its a lonely life without people. to be around people you have to talk. who cares what you are talking about, or whether you agree or not. half the time i argue with matt just because its funny and passes the time. who cares whether people really agree with you or not. like this weekend at this party. this dude comes up and starts talking to us, and matt says i'm an actor. it lead to like a 15 minute conversation about how i was in "she's all that" with freddie prinze, jr., and how me and him had a fight in the seattle airport. who cares if its the truth or not. that's 15 minutes that i didn't have to listen to the all the serious and bitchy people talk about stuff that i'm expected to care about but really don't
so, yup, there you have it. i just got all bitchy and serious for no good reason. hopefully ryan doesn't want to disown me. he's still a genius. i'm a genius. we've got to stick together.
man, seeing ryan get bitter is such a trip. if he is getting pissed at people in general, i'm in trouble, because i do shit i'm sure pisses him off. but i know what he's saying... sometimes thinly disguised apathy is the best thing you can give someone, because it makes them feel better, then they owe you one, and you can go off on some random shit later and they can pretend to care back. i feel bad for not caring about people some times, but i figure no one cares what i think half the time. but what is caring. does it really matter if people really care, or are pretending to care? i mean, if everyone knows everyone else is just pretending, it leads to a great atmosphere. people stop talking about such dumb shit, and just start jackassing. i mean, i hate myself when i get all serious and bitchy and crap. it happens to everyone, everyone understands that, thus the thinly disguised apathy. the REAL problem is some people are all serious and bitchy all the time, so thinly disguised apathy turns into just apathy. apathy drives geniuses like ryan and i to bitterness, and bitterness leads to an overall hatred of mankind. people who abuse other people's thinly disguised apathy are just taking advantage of their friendships, and should realize that they are going to piss their friends off. if they don't, well, meh, sucks to be them. i try not to feel bad about dropping the disguise in these cases, because most of the time it is for the greater good of the entire fucking world.
but then you get over it. you get mad at yourself for a few seconds and realize it isn't worth it, because a moment of bitterness is better than the lifetime of bitterness that comes with being all serious and bitchy all the time.
oh yeah, and about the futility of conversation? its a lonely life without people. to be around people you have to talk. who cares what you are talking about, or whether you agree or not. half the time i argue with matt just because its funny and passes the time. who cares whether people really agree with you or not. like this weekend at this party. this dude comes up and starts talking to us, and matt says i'm an actor. it lead to like a 15 minute conversation about how i was in "she's all that" with freddie prinze, jr., and how me and him had a fight in the seattle airport. who cares if its the truth or not. that's 15 minutes that i didn't have to listen to the all the serious and bitchy people talk about stuff that i'm expected to care about but really don't
so, yup, there you have it. i just got all bitchy and serious for no good reason. hopefully ryan doesn't want to disown me. he's still a genius. i'm a genius. we've got to stick together.
Friday, April 11, 2003
shit, according to my weather chick it is starting to get light already.
oh yeah, you may knock the weather chick, but she rules. even if she doesn't tell me anything weather related, she still rules. right now i live in a land where she and i can meet, and have a meaningful relationship, even if she is just some cheesy little icon on my webpage.
oh yeah, you may knock the weather chick, but she rules. even if she doesn't tell me anything weather related, she still rules. right now i live in a land where she and i can meet, and have a meaningful relationship, even if she is just some cheesy little icon on my webpage.
doom doom doom doom da doomp da doom doom doom dum dum dum dum da doop da doo dum dum
oh man, i am starting to lose touch with reality. i don't have any contact with any sort of real world anymore. i love it, but it isn't very realistic. if i had unlimited funds, i would probably be living a lot like i am living now. but i don't, so i can't any more. it makes the baby wanksus sad.
but seriously, the last few months have given me a lot of time to think, and really sped up my evolutionary process. when you don't have work wearing on you, it is a lot easier to look at things in a more neutral manner. so here i am. 4:19 in the morning. awake. again.
i really really don't want to have to go back to work. i really don't. i really like doing nothing. last time i did nothing was.... never. even after i got kicked out of school, i started right up at community college. this has been like summer break in elementary school all over again.
so what have i learned?
1. Reality sucks. avoid it at all costs. reality makes you mad.
2. don't take things too seriously. if you take things too seriously, you end up mad at something.
3. don't rely on other people for entertainment or mental stimulation. when you expect too much out of people, they can only let you down.
4. being mad is a waste of time. it is a lot easier to fake like you are happy for a few minutes until the other person stops being such a moron.
editorial comment: ok, these are really crappy things to have learned. if i didn't know myself better, i would just delete those. but that would go against the whole mind emptying process. also, some day i'll look at those and laugh, and it will be worth it
i've learned other stuff too, but that stuff sticks out because it is all i could think of right off the top of my head. well there is other stuff that didn't tie in with that stuff, so i just left it off. basically, i've decided to stop trying to force myself to abide by what other people think. its not that i don't care. i care about stuff. i'm over that whole not caring thing. there are certain times where you just have to stop caring about shit before you snap and hurt yourself. the whole "i don't care" thing never made much sense anyways, but after not caring about anything for a while, you have to start caring about stuff. you may not care a lot, or care about it for reasons that make sense to other people, or reasons you can really explain, but you care. care enough to give it more than a seconds thought. so yeah, when i say "i don't care" these days, it is just a cop out. it means i don't want to talk about that for reasons that may include any or all of the following: i'm drunk, i'm high, i'm tired, i'm feeling anti-social, or the ever popular that topic makes me uncomfortable, so i'm feigning indifference. every once in a while some one will catch me off guard with something, and i'll just kind of blurt out i don't care before i have a chance to really think about what i'm saying, but hey. at least i care about stuff again.
oh oh, i have a good one. what have i really learned?
X. I was born 100 years too early. in 80 years when they have sex robots, all my problems will be solved, but i will be dead.
seriously though. it takes a certain type of girl to be able to deal with all the shit i would put a girlfriend through. i'm a flake, i don't do anything, i don't like to cook, i don't like to clean, i don't like using the phone, and i'm shy. i am horny, not like anything i can't deal with myself, but it would be nice to toss a change up in there every once in a while. i mean, who have i been kidding. the average dude thinks about sex a lot, and i probably think about sex twice as much as him. i have an overactive imagination. i don't ask for much, but one thing that would be nice in my life would be regular sex. that kind of mentality is going to leave me high and dry for another few years though. one of these days i'll have another fake revelation, and i'll realize i am nothing without my soulmate, and i'll go off in search of some girl without thinking about sex and i'll probably find someone who will be completely wrong for me, but we'll be happy for like a month. but right now that just seems stupid. sure the companionship would be great, but lets face it. i've never had a female companion who hasn't just fucked with me in one way or another, so what reason do i have to seek out another stupid girl besides some good, clean, dirty fun. i figure in 100 years they will have some pretty damn good robots that will take care of all my needs, along with voicemail, digital video storage, and maid services equipped as standard features.
when i think back, i'm doing pretty good if not having sex robots is the cause of all my problems. i don't really have problems. i take care of myself. i try to keep ahead of things so i don't have real problems. i try to keep ahead of people so i don't cause problems for myself. i've got it allllll figured out, don't i. no i don't. i'm generally a knob. i'm the last person who should be dishing out advice. i have my glimmers of brilliance, but i'm not a genius. well, to anyone else at least. i guess thats one good thing about living in your own imagination. you get to dictate what brilliance is and isn't. in my head, i'm the smartest man alive. if there is ever some lucid dream thing like in vanilla sky, i am so there. i can honestly say that i would probably rather live a large portion of my life in my head instead of wanking around these parts. i do enough of it anyways. everything i do is trying to forget about my real life and join up some other reality inside my head. we take our imaginations for granted. there are plenty of people with an overall lack of imagination who can go out and pull the on levers on the giant machine that will eventually run everyone's life. hopefully it will make them feel all special, knowing that everyone else is trusting them with such a huge responsiblity, running the life machine and all. let the rest of us do whatever we please. i bet we could automate life to the point that the vast majority of people didn't even need jobs. damn, ok, i was born 500 years too early. unless society collapses before then. shit, i don't know how many years too early i was born.
crap, its almost the middle of april. what the hell happened to 2001? see what i mean? have i really done anything in the past 2 years that really justifies my existance? i'm a sponge with funny looking hair and no sex robots. thats what it all comes down too
oh man, i am starting to lose touch with reality. i don't have any contact with any sort of real world anymore. i love it, but it isn't very realistic. if i had unlimited funds, i would probably be living a lot like i am living now. but i don't, so i can't any more. it makes the baby wanksus sad.
but seriously, the last few months have given me a lot of time to think, and really sped up my evolutionary process. when you don't have work wearing on you, it is a lot easier to look at things in a more neutral manner. so here i am. 4:19 in the morning. awake. again.
i really really don't want to have to go back to work. i really don't. i really like doing nothing. last time i did nothing was.... never. even after i got kicked out of school, i started right up at community college. this has been like summer break in elementary school all over again.
so what have i learned?
1. Reality sucks. avoid it at all costs. reality makes you mad.
2. don't take things too seriously. if you take things too seriously, you end up mad at something.
3. don't rely on other people for entertainment or mental stimulation. when you expect too much out of people, they can only let you down.
4. being mad is a waste of time. it is a lot easier to fake like you are happy for a few minutes until the other person stops being such a moron.
editorial comment: ok, these are really crappy things to have learned. if i didn't know myself better, i would just delete those. but that would go against the whole mind emptying process. also, some day i'll look at those and laugh, and it will be worth it
i've learned other stuff too, but that stuff sticks out because it is all i could think of right off the top of my head. well there is other stuff that didn't tie in with that stuff, so i just left it off. basically, i've decided to stop trying to force myself to abide by what other people think. its not that i don't care. i care about stuff. i'm over that whole not caring thing. there are certain times where you just have to stop caring about shit before you snap and hurt yourself. the whole "i don't care" thing never made much sense anyways, but after not caring about anything for a while, you have to start caring about stuff. you may not care a lot, or care about it for reasons that make sense to other people, or reasons you can really explain, but you care. care enough to give it more than a seconds thought. so yeah, when i say "i don't care" these days, it is just a cop out. it means i don't want to talk about that for reasons that may include any or all of the following: i'm drunk, i'm high, i'm tired, i'm feeling anti-social, or the ever popular that topic makes me uncomfortable, so i'm feigning indifference. every once in a while some one will catch me off guard with something, and i'll just kind of blurt out i don't care before i have a chance to really think about what i'm saying, but hey. at least i care about stuff again.
oh oh, i have a good one. what have i really learned?
X. I was born 100 years too early. in 80 years when they have sex robots, all my problems will be solved, but i will be dead.
seriously though. it takes a certain type of girl to be able to deal with all the shit i would put a girlfriend through. i'm a flake, i don't do anything, i don't like to cook, i don't like to clean, i don't like using the phone, and i'm shy. i am horny, not like anything i can't deal with myself, but it would be nice to toss a change up in there every once in a while. i mean, who have i been kidding. the average dude thinks about sex a lot, and i probably think about sex twice as much as him. i have an overactive imagination. i don't ask for much, but one thing that would be nice in my life would be regular sex. that kind of mentality is going to leave me high and dry for another few years though. one of these days i'll have another fake revelation, and i'll realize i am nothing without my soulmate, and i'll go off in search of some girl without thinking about sex and i'll probably find someone who will be completely wrong for me, but we'll be happy for like a month. but right now that just seems stupid. sure the companionship would be great, but lets face it. i've never had a female companion who hasn't just fucked with me in one way or another, so what reason do i have to seek out another stupid girl besides some good, clean, dirty fun. i figure in 100 years they will have some pretty damn good robots that will take care of all my needs, along with voicemail, digital video storage, and maid services equipped as standard features.
when i think back, i'm doing pretty good if not having sex robots is the cause of all my problems. i don't really have problems. i take care of myself. i try to keep ahead of things so i don't have real problems. i try to keep ahead of people so i don't cause problems for myself. i've got it allllll figured out, don't i. no i don't. i'm generally a knob. i'm the last person who should be dishing out advice. i have my glimmers of brilliance, but i'm not a genius. well, to anyone else at least. i guess thats one good thing about living in your own imagination. you get to dictate what brilliance is and isn't. in my head, i'm the smartest man alive. if there is ever some lucid dream thing like in vanilla sky, i am so there. i can honestly say that i would probably rather live a large portion of my life in my head instead of wanking around these parts. i do enough of it anyways. everything i do is trying to forget about my real life and join up some other reality inside my head. we take our imaginations for granted. there are plenty of people with an overall lack of imagination who can go out and pull the on levers on the giant machine that will eventually run everyone's life. hopefully it will make them feel all special, knowing that everyone else is trusting them with such a huge responsiblity, running the life machine and all. let the rest of us do whatever we please. i bet we could automate life to the point that the vast majority of people didn't even need jobs. damn, ok, i was born 500 years too early. unless society collapses before then. shit, i don't know how many years too early i was born.
crap, its almost the middle of april. what the hell happened to 2001? see what i mean? have i really done anything in the past 2 years that really justifies my existance? i'm a sponge with funny looking hair and no sex robots. thats what it all comes down too
Thursday, April 10, 2003
i don't think manuel even reads this, but if he does!!! dear manuel good sir. i think you need to go claim your blogs on that blogshares thing. you have to put the stupid little image on your page, but you get 1000 free shares of the blogs you do. i didn't see you owning any shares, but maybe you already do. if you don't, i'm sorry, but i inadvertantly bought a controlling share of your photolog :X
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
cheers to ryan. blog monster tried to eat that, but i had just read his so i copied it before i posted. booyah
ahhhh, hair. ask matt about how much he loves my hair, and how i leave it everywhere. annoying indeed. my hair is long enough that huge chunks of it always fly into my mouth. a little bit ago, my hair was just at the right length to go in my mouth, and it curls, so it would go in my mouth, and right down to the back of my throat. eventually it got to the point where it would tickle my gag reflex. it was kind of funny, i'd be talking, or walking, or playing pool or whatever, and i would just kind of freeze up, and it would take me a second to regain control of myself. but i have my reasons to not cut my hair i suppose. first, i have better hair than everyone else. i think i can say this, because i do. i wash my hair every 3 days or so with a blob of pert plus. i never comb it, or brush it or anything. it stays naturally free of tangles, and it bounces and it shines and it curls and it does all those wierd things that girls are always complaining about. i always thought my hair was kind of neat, but when i grew it out and everyone (everyone being the girls i know) started bitching to me about how nice my hair was, i realized i have pretty good hair. so yeah. my hair is the only damn thing i get compliments on, and it takes less work to care for than short hair (i was washing it every day). haha, like that there? i tried to cover my vanity with the obligatory "i'm just lazy" comment. hee hee! by the way, i'm sorry if you are mad that my hair is so good. at least take some solace in the fact that i am not wasting my good hair by keeping it short, or dying it wacky colors again. i'm keeping it long, and it usually looks pretty good. if i could trade it to you, i would (depending on what i would get in return, of course)
usually i leave my hair, because i need to look like jesus in the future. like right now, i'm seeing if i can make it to halloween so i don't have to think up another costume. i can just go as jesus. it will be perfect. after that, i need to wait for christmas so i can get arrested for impersonating jesus in a public place. after that, i will probably cut it, because if i wait another 8 months it will be nasty long. it is already kind of getting to wierd long, at least for a boy. i've been trying to offset that fact by keeping some facial hair, but it is just making me look like a wanker. i'm not the best at this whole facial hair thing.
in conclusion (about my hair, for now), my hair rules, and having it long is kind of fun before it all falls out. because it will. male pattern baldness hits fairly early in my family. that is what i have to look forward too. it will tip off some huge mid life crisis, i know, because i have been blessed with such a beautiful head of hair then BAM!!! it is all taken away from me. damn genetics.
ryan cut his hair, then he hurt his ankle, and now he is swamped with homework and school. maybe my hair is the source of my power?
ok ok ok ok, here's the deal. last night i should have blogged. i would have, but i fell asleep thinking. this blog is going to suck, i can feel it. it is another one of those melodramatic stupid, "here's what i think of myself" stupid posts. so yeah, keep your heads up before you get hit full in the face with it, because it will be stupid, to say the least. whenever i try to say stuff, i look stupid. whenever i just talk, i look smart. but yeah, who knows, maybe i'll make some sort of breakthrough with myself or something. maybe, just maybe, this post will be the exception to the rule, and be a stupid melodramatic post that isn't so fucking STUPID. god, i'm such a tool. why are these posts even necessary. but yeah, its coming, i need to get it out before it starts infecting the rest of my brain. i have it sealed off in the "blog outbox" portion of my brain. and yes i do have one where i store nuggets for later dates. well, its been pretty empty lately, but back when i was working, it was overflowing. i had to save things for other blogging dates because i didn't want to over do it. but yeah, watch out i guess....
usually i leave my hair, because i need to look like jesus in the future. like right now, i'm seeing if i can make it to halloween so i don't have to think up another costume. i can just go as jesus. it will be perfect. after that, i need to wait for christmas so i can get arrested for impersonating jesus in a public place. after that, i will probably cut it, because if i wait another 8 months it will be nasty long. it is already kind of getting to wierd long, at least for a boy. i've been trying to offset that fact by keeping some facial hair, but it is just making me look like a wanker. i'm not the best at this whole facial hair thing.
in conclusion (about my hair, for now), my hair rules, and having it long is kind of fun before it all falls out. because it will. male pattern baldness hits fairly early in my family. that is what i have to look forward too. it will tip off some huge mid life crisis, i know, because i have been blessed with such a beautiful head of hair then BAM!!! it is all taken away from me. damn genetics.
ryan cut his hair, then he hurt his ankle, and now he is swamped with homework and school. maybe my hair is the source of my power?
ok ok ok ok, here's the deal. last night i should have blogged. i would have, but i fell asleep thinking. this blog is going to suck, i can feel it. it is another one of those melodramatic stupid, "here's what i think of myself" stupid posts. so yeah, keep your heads up before you get hit full in the face with it, because it will be stupid, to say the least. whenever i try to say stuff, i look stupid. whenever i just talk, i look smart. but yeah, who knows, maybe i'll make some sort of breakthrough with myself or something. maybe, just maybe, this post will be the exception to the rule, and be a stupid melodramatic post that isn't so fucking STUPID. god, i'm such a tool. why are these posts even necessary. but yeah, its coming, i need to get it out before it starts infecting the rest of my brain. i have it sealed off in the "blog outbox" portion of my brain. and yes i do have one where i store nuggets for later dates. well, its been pretty empty lately, but back when i was working, it was overflowing. i had to save things for other blogging dates because i didn't want to over do it. but yeah, watch out i guess....
Monday, April 07, 2003
trav, there is an art appreciation class that is 2 credits that the UW offers. Kevin used to talk about it all the time, ask him about it. otherwise, the intro architecture classes were 3 credits when i was looking into them, drawing and such.....
Sunday, April 06, 2003
Saturday, April 05, 2003
you know, i forget where this idea originally came from, so if i stole it from you and forgot, tell me and i'll give you full credit
blogging for jesus.....
i can't wait for next christmas. we have this idea. we are going to go down to UVilliage and find the santa dude where kids come get pictures with santa and such. we are going to set up our own booth nearby, get your picture taken with jesus!!!!! i think it will be great. who wouldn't want their picture taken with jesus. i can sit them on my lap and say, what do you want for christmas, little girl. when she says "a pony!!" i'll say "no young child, the correct answer is 'the eternal life that can only be achieved by accepting jesus as my lord and savior.' luckily for you, i'm right here!!!" imagine the awe on the faces of these children as they get to meet jesus. i'll need 12 volunteers to be my apostles. it will be a grand old time, until we get kicked out by security. then it will be even more fun, because who in their right mind arrests jesus. if someone asks, we can explain how we are trying to reverse the deterioration of morality by offering children a positive christmas role model who doesn't condone forced child labor, animal cruelty and obesity. hahahha, oh man when did i turn into such an attention whore. junior high drama, i blame you.
i can't wait for next christmas. we have this idea. we are going to go down to UVilliage and find the santa dude where kids come get pictures with santa and such. we are going to set up our own booth nearby, get your picture taken with jesus!!!!! i think it will be great. who wouldn't want their picture taken with jesus. i can sit them on my lap and say, what do you want for christmas, little girl. when she says "a pony!!" i'll say "no young child, the correct answer is 'the eternal life that can only be achieved by accepting jesus as my lord and savior.' luckily for you, i'm right here!!!" imagine the awe on the faces of these children as they get to meet jesus. i'll need 12 volunteers to be my apostles. it will be a grand old time, until we get kicked out by security. then it will be even more fun, because who in their right mind arrests jesus. if someone asks, we can explain how we are trying to reverse the deterioration of morality by offering children a positive christmas role model who doesn't condone forced child labor, animal cruelty and obesity. hahahha, oh man when did i turn into such an attention whore. junior high drama, i blame you.
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
so yeah, i saw this aol commercial. i have to admit it was genius. give props where props are due. it has some slut in bed, she's all mostly naked and getting humped and such. then she's talking to the camera, like she's talking to you after sex, and she's like so, does this mean you are going to stick around? and then you see the aol guy, and he just runs off. i was laughing so hard i almost pooped myself.
i also had a dream in the shower that i was an american idol finalist. i sang can you feel the love tonight, and tearin up my heart, and i was human beatboxing. shower dreams are usually good, but this one was pretty damn good, because i could sing.
oh yeah, UNO!!!! bahahahha, its funny because there was nudity, hehehe
i also had a dream in the shower that i was an american idol finalist. i sang can you feel the love tonight, and tearin up my heart, and i was human beatboxing. shower dreams are usually good, but this one was pretty damn good, because i could sing.
oh yeah, UNO!!!! bahahahha, its funny because there was nudity, hehehe
