Friday, November 30, 2001
my job has over $2000 worth of one kind of seed, a grass called hordeum brachyanthrum. the seeds only ost like $3 an ounce. i worked it out, and we have 41.5 pounds of seed for this one grass. INSANITY, considering we only make seed mixes using ounces of seed..
oh yeah, just to set the record straight, i did actually put some thought into this. i have spent the past 3 days looking up species to put in the areas i am planning, its just the numbers i am unsure of. so yeah, i'm not THAT bad......
i'm waaiting for myy cooooooooworker....
we are supposed to have this meeting about the plant lists we drew up. by plant lists, for me at least, i mean writing random plants down, then writing random numbers in for how many we should have. how the hell should i know how big an area is, let alone how many plants to put in there. in anycase, i think my estimates are on the low side, while my coworker's estimates are really high in some areas, and really low in other areas for how many plants should go in...... i don't even know if i did the right stuff for the right areas though.... oh well, who cares, hopefully i won't be here long enough to see the consequences of my random planning.....
we are supposed to have this meeting about the plant lists we drew up. by plant lists, for me at least, i mean writing random plants down, then writing random numbers in for how many we should have. how the hell should i know how big an area is, let alone how many plants to put in there. in anycase, i think my estimates are on the low side, while my coworker's estimates are really high in some areas, and really low in other areas for how many plants should go in...... i don't even know if i did the right stuff for the right areas though.... oh well, who cares, hopefully i won't be here long enough to see the consequences of my random planning.....
oh yeah, and i was walking from my car to the office after paying my rent, and i watch this mini van pull into a driveway. except, instead of pulling into the driveway, she completely angles herself, and pull onto the lawn next the the driveway, succesfully blocking the driveway, the sidewalk, and tearing up the lawn. she gets out, looks at her parking job, looks around, and leads her old man friend into the house. how does one even do that? why would it be acceptable to park like that, when the driveway is open just a few feet away? people are stupid. they are also funny looking. especially old people, old people look like monsters
schwankity...
so yeah, sitting at work here... rent is paid, checks deposited, just need to get rent money from ze german and everyon is squared away for another month, at least.
i am getting tired of living paycheck to paycheck. every time it looks like i am going to have some savings built up, something else comes up. it is a viscious cycle, having to pay to live, hating work, but needing work to get money. sometimes, it just seems like the whole work thing is a little silly. granted, back in the early civilization days, the specialization of trades, and introduction of currency was one of the greatest achievements, well, ever. but now a days, things cost money. so therefore, everyone needs a job. but there isn't enough shit for people to do. so half the people have worthless jobs, that are just in place so people can have a job, because everyone needs a job, because if you don't have a job, you can't live. therefore, prices of things go up, because you are paying a bunch of money for those people who have unnecessary jobs. thus, the price of living goes up, and the price of these salaries go up, etc etc etc etc. it is painful to think about. i want to be a professional bum. that would rock. either that, or marry for money. any independantly wealthy women out there who are looking for companionship, and don't mind supporting me, give me a call. i don't cost that much to feed, and i don't take up much space. i'll even give you lovin...
i really wish i could get a new job. this one is about to collapse out from under me. i would work retail, but if i am having trouble paying the bills right now, how would i manage on a reduced salary? things add up. it is frightening how quickly things add up. take my mileage for work. i was talking to one of my coworkers about this. this month, i am billing my work for 270 miles. that doesn't include the commute from my house to places. nor does that include the 75 miles i racked up on the van yesterday. those are all the miles i ended up driving in my own car, between jobsites, and then to the office. in fucking sanity.
i should get a new job. actually, i might be getting a new job. it could pay over $20 an hour, but it is back in redmond. i don't want to keep my hopes up too high, in case i don't get it, but that would own. thats twice what i make now. and this places has some testing positions i could work my way up to that pay like $30+ an hour. the thought of that is mindboggling.
so yeah, sitting at work here... rent is paid, checks deposited, just need to get rent money from ze german and everyon is squared away for another month, at least.
i am getting tired of living paycheck to paycheck. every time it looks like i am going to have some savings built up, something else comes up. it is a viscious cycle, having to pay to live, hating work, but needing work to get money. sometimes, it just seems like the whole work thing is a little silly. granted, back in the early civilization days, the specialization of trades, and introduction of currency was one of the greatest achievements, well, ever. but now a days, things cost money. so therefore, everyone needs a job. but there isn't enough shit for people to do. so half the people have worthless jobs, that are just in place so people can have a job, because everyone needs a job, because if you don't have a job, you can't live. therefore, prices of things go up, because you are paying a bunch of money for those people who have unnecessary jobs. thus, the price of living goes up, and the price of these salaries go up, etc etc etc etc. it is painful to think about. i want to be a professional bum. that would rock. either that, or marry for money. any independantly wealthy women out there who are looking for companionship, and don't mind supporting me, give me a call. i don't cost that much to feed, and i don't take up much space. i'll even give you lovin...
i really wish i could get a new job. this one is about to collapse out from under me. i would work retail, but if i am having trouble paying the bills right now, how would i manage on a reduced salary? things add up. it is frightening how quickly things add up. take my mileage for work. i was talking to one of my coworkers about this. this month, i am billing my work for 270 miles. that doesn't include the commute from my house to places. nor does that include the 75 miles i racked up on the van yesterday. those are all the miles i ended up driving in my own car, between jobsites, and then to the office. in fucking sanity.
i should get a new job. actually, i might be getting a new job. it could pay over $20 an hour, but it is back in redmond. i don't want to keep my hopes up too high, in case i don't get it, but that would own. thats twice what i make now. and this places has some testing positions i could work my way up to that pay like $30+ an hour. the thought of that is mindboggling.
bah, so driving to work today. i am 2 cars behind this chick in a huge ford bronco or something. pulling up towards a green light. she brakes, stops, puts on her blinkers, and gets on her cell phone. continues to sit through 2 light cycles before finally muscle my way out of the lane and around her. i am hoping she had some actual car problems, but it sure didn't look like it to me.... she was moving. she stopped close to a parking lot. if she was having car problems, it would have been an easy thing for her to change one lane, and turn right into the parking lot. but no, she decides to sit in the middle of the left lane, 2 car lengths away from the intersection so she can screw up traffic as much as possible.
funny thing happened to me this morning and last night, i remember my dreams. not only that, it was one of those things where you are dreaming, and your alarm goes off, and so you remember that dream, and then you turn your alarm off, go back to sleep and have a new dream, and you remember it. i thought my second dream was real. i was explaining my first dream to people in my second dream. until it got wierd... me and my friends ex girlfriend were swimming around in puget sound. we found this old house, that was abandoned. except it had this wierd garden thing in the back, with tropical plants, it looked really cool. i start walking around the back, and there are a bunch of monkeys sitting there playing in the foliage. so i go and grab the girl, to show her the monkeys. she gets really scared, and starts to run away. then one of the monkeys starts talking to me, then yells seize him!!! so i start backing away slowly, and i grab the girl and start to leave, but she stops, and i keep going. i go back to get her, and there is this gorilla in jeans shorts and a white tshirt staring at her, she is petrified in fright. so i go and grab her, look kind of sideways at the gorilla, and walk off. the gorilla kind of looked at me sideways, and walked off the otherway. i then remember the other monkeys were chasing us, so i run, and jump back in the water, and start swimming again. crazyness. why were there monkeys? why was a swimming, i suck at swimming? why was i with my friends ex-girlfriend of all people?
anyways, my first dream was kind of wierd too. i was walking around after classes at the UW, so there were all these people around. i didn't know where i was, or where i was going, i was just walking. so i started to go over this bridge, over a freeway, that was under construction, so there was no rail or anything, it was just a drop to the freeway. all of the sudden, my backpack was to heavy to carry, so i slumped over, and tried to put it down. long story short, i ended up rolling around on the sidewalk for a while trying to disentangle myself from this stupid back pack, and almost rolled off the edge. some girl helped me, and we finally got the backpack undercontrol. she asked what was in it, and i said i didn't know. so we opened it, and there was a set of poolballs, and at the bottom of the back pack, a set of giant poolballs, that were really heavy. we both kind of sat there for a bit, looking at the giant poolballs, and then my alarm went off.
crazy dream crazy dreams, one of the fun things about drinking :)
anyways, i'm at work, i am supposed to be doing stuff, but i don't want to do it. i showed up late, because i was dreaming after i turned my alarm off, and no one noticed. i'm going to take a lunch break in about an hour, so i can go pay rent and all that jazz. i need to deposit a bunch of money first. oh yeah, i need to turn in my time sheet too, bling bling!!!! i want to do something this weekend, not just sit around my house drinking. maybe the people at the other house will be doing something... i'll give you guys a call, or something...
funny thing happened to me this morning and last night, i remember my dreams. not only that, it was one of those things where you are dreaming, and your alarm goes off, and so you remember that dream, and then you turn your alarm off, go back to sleep and have a new dream, and you remember it. i thought my second dream was real. i was explaining my first dream to people in my second dream. until it got wierd... me and my friends ex girlfriend were swimming around in puget sound. we found this old house, that was abandoned. except it had this wierd garden thing in the back, with tropical plants, it looked really cool. i start walking around the back, and there are a bunch of monkeys sitting there playing in the foliage. so i go and grab the girl, to show her the monkeys. she gets really scared, and starts to run away. then one of the monkeys starts talking to me, then yells seize him!!! so i start backing away slowly, and i grab the girl and start to leave, but she stops, and i keep going. i go back to get her, and there is this gorilla in jeans shorts and a white tshirt staring at her, she is petrified in fright. so i go and grab her, look kind of sideways at the gorilla, and walk off. the gorilla kind of looked at me sideways, and walked off the otherway. i then remember the other monkeys were chasing us, so i run, and jump back in the water, and start swimming again. crazyness. why were there monkeys? why was a swimming, i suck at swimming? why was i with my friends ex-girlfriend of all people?
anyways, my first dream was kind of wierd too. i was walking around after classes at the UW, so there were all these people around. i didn't know where i was, or where i was going, i was just walking. so i started to go over this bridge, over a freeway, that was under construction, so there was no rail or anything, it was just a drop to the freeway. all of the sudden, my backpack was to heavy to carry, so i slumped over, and tried to put it down. long story short, i ended up rolling around on the sidewalk for a while trying to disentangle myself from this stupid back pack, and almost rolled off the edge. some girl helped me, and we finally got the backpack undercontrol. she asked what was in it, and i said i didn't know. so we opened it, and there was a set of poolballs, and at the bottom of the back pack, a set of giant poolballs, that were really heavy. we both kind of sat there for a bit, looking at the giant poolballs, and then my alarm went off.
crazy dream crazy dreams, one of the fun things about drinking :)
anyways, i'm at work, i am supposed to be doing stuff, but i don't want to do it. i showed up late, because i was dreaming after i turned my alarm off, and no one noticed. i'm going to take a lunch break in about an hour, so i can go pay rent and all that jazz. i need to deposit a bunch of money first. oh yeah, i need to turn in my time sheet too, bling bling!!!! i want to do something this weekend, not just sit around my house drinking. maybe the people at the other house will be doing something... i'll give you guys a call, or something...
Thursday, November 29, 2001
i put 75 miles on the van today. luckily it wasn't my gas money. i was driving all day. i went from my house, to coleman, then to genesee, then 4 trips from genesee to pritchard with pots. then from pritchard the last time to coleman again. took plants from coleman to greg davis. took wheel barrow from greg davis back to genesee. went to get the mail on capital hill, then went from the mail to the office, via montlake and then 85th... and, i'm spent.
Wednesday, November 28, 2001
scary thing, i need to bring the company van out to a site tomorrow. i am lazy, so i am just going to keep it overnight. here's what happens.... it is reaaaally easy to get to south seattle via 99 in the mornings. it is shat going on 1-5. the only problem, i need to get to southeast seattle, and the only exit onto the west seattle bridge from 99 is westbound. that means you have to go west a little ways, get off on delridge and turn around to go east. BUUUUTTTT west seattle bridge eastbound in mornings is shatter than shat. so, i would end up just taking i-5 anyways. i could wake up like 40 min early to come get the van, and get back to 1-5 to still make it on time, but i figure i might as well just take the van home, because it will be much quicker in the long run. but, that means i am responsible for the company car overnight, and i have to leave my car parked somewhere around the office over night and hope it doesn't get towed. that would be super shat, if they towed my car.... i'll find a place somewhere on a side street somewhere so it looks like i live there. never mind, i solved my own problem, i can try to park somewhere on the office driveway, maybe..... hmmmmmmmmmmmm....... but i am leaving early, so i would park cars in, that is no good.... HMMMM i'm fucked...
ok, shibby on the work, yo....
here i am, at work. the problem with work? i have to be here. i am not at home sleeping.
being at work always makes me think about why i am at work, and such... its a scary thing to do. to think about what would happen if i wasn't working. i am more or less living paycheck to paycheck right now. what would happen to me if i quit my job, and was making less? how would i do it? on the other hand, my job is going crazy right now. someone else is about to leave. people are making me do work, so i am actually staying busy, more or less. i am not ready for what they are expecting me to do, and i am getting to the point where i can't lay back and not be noticed quite as easily. when this person leaves, we will have 8 employees, besides my two bosses and the accountant. 8, god damn... when i came on in april, i think we had 15. 2 of these people are not involved at all with the restoration part of the job, so they don't have anything to do right now. basically, we are 6. the work that needs to be done hasn't changed, which is the crux of the problem. so, i am getting more and more things to do, things i am not qualified to do, things i wasn't expecting to do for a while. a few months ago, i was excited to maybe get more involved. the more i think, the more i realize i really don't care about this job. for me, it isn't worth the added stress. i have been seriously thinking about quitting. if i stay here, i am going to get more busy, and have more tasks thrown on me that i don't know how to do. On top of that, there is no raise in site. people aren't even getting their annual pay increases, so there is no way they will start paying me more. i have no idea how much my coworkers make. i think it is in the general area of $25-$30 an hour, but probably it is more like $20-$25 an hour. still, i imagine these people are making over twice as much as i am making. yet, i am expected to take on the responsibilites they are taking on. this sucks. the really terrible thing is, it is just going to get worse. everyone on the staff has resumes out, and is looking for a new job, except myself. the reason being, it is not hard for me to find a job. i lose it, i go deliver pizzas :P not too tough. but yeah, there are no plans to hire anyone else until spring. only 1 person really sees himself still being here in spring. realistically, i can see maybe 2 others besides myself staying that long. 3 people doing the work of 6 highly overworked people. it would be death. in the next 2 months, i plan on watching at least 2 more of my coworkers leave. that brings us to the end of january. which means we still have at least another month before they start the hiring process.
other thoughts going through my head... what makes this job so fun? the people i work with. the job itself pretty much sucks, but i love my coworkers. what will happen when new people come on, and there are only 3 of us left? the 3 of us will have an even harder time. we will have to train these people, because they won't know what the fuck is going on. no one does when the first get hired here. it would be madness. of the 3 people i see being here at that point, one of us has been here more than a year (i don't count myself as being here over a year, i took 6 months off). the other guy is still coming into his own, and i don't know how well he would do actually guiding people through the processes he is still learning. and then there is me, who doesn't know shit. i pretend to know what i am doing when my bosses are around, so they will leave me alone. i would be the guy who shows the new people how to slack, etc. this is an important job. i was fortunate to have someone show me early on, which has made this job much more bearable. anyways, i always feel that i am more of an in between guy between my coworkers and anyone else. when we are working with our labor crews, i serve as a go between guy from my foundation, who are there bosses, and them. so like, when my coworkers tell them what to do, i try to go out and do it with them when i have the time. i will show them tricks i have learned to make it faster, joke around about how much the job sucks, you know things like that. try to make a connection with them, so they will feel they are not alone in what they are doing. it works pretty well. it adds a human element to my foundation, at least in their perspective. when new people come, there will be that obvious division, of us, and then the new guy. i imagine i'll be the one that kind of shows them the way things REALLY work, such as lunch, leaving early, ignoring our bosses, you know, the little slack things it usually takes forever to learn. these things are vital to this job, otherwise you get burnt out.
here i am, at work. the problem with work? i have to be here. i am not at home sleeping.
being at work always makes me think about why i am at work, and such... its a scary thing to do. to think about what would happen if i wasn't working. i am more or less living paycheck to paycheck right now. what would happen to me if i quit my job, and was making less? how would i do it? on the other hand, my job is going crazy right now. someone else is about to leave. people are making me do work, so i am actually staying busy, more or less. i am not ready for what they are expecting me to do, and i am getting to the point where i can't lay back and not be noticed quite as easily. when this person leaves, we will have 8 employees, besides my two bosses and the accountant. 8, god damn... when i came on in april, i think we had 15. 2 of these people are not involved at all with the restoration part of the job, so they don't have anything to do right now. basically, we are 6. the work that needs to be done hasn't changed, which is the crux of the problem. so, i am getting more and more things to do, things i am not qualified to do, things i wasn't expecting to do for a while. a few months ago, i was excited to maybe get more involved. the more i think, the more i realize i really don't care about this job. for me, it isn't worth the added stress. i have been seriously thinking about quitting. if i stay here, i am going to get more busy, and have more tasks thrown on me that i don't know how to do. On top of that, there is no raise in site. people aren't even getting their annual pay increases, so there is no way they will start paying me more. i have no idea how much my coworkers make. i think it is in the general area of $25-$30 an hour, but probably it is more like $20-$25 an hour. still, i imagine these people are making over twice as much as i am making. yet, i am expected to take on the responsibilites they are taking on. this sucks. the really terrible thing is, it is just going to get worse. everyone on the staff has resumes out, and is looking for a new job, except myself. the reason being, it is not hard for me to find a job. i lose it, i go deliver pizzas :P not too tough. but yeah, there are no plans to hire anyone else until spring. only 1 person really sees himself still being here in spring. realistically, i can see maybe 2 others besides myself staying that long. 3 people doing the work of 6 highly overworked people. it would be death. in the next 2 months, i plan on watching at least 2 more of my coworkers leave. that brings us to the end of january. which means we still have at least another month before they start the hiring process.
other thoughts going through my head... what makes this job so fun? the people i work with. the job itself pretty much sucks, but i love my coworkers. what will happen when new people come on, and there are only 3 of us left? the 3 of us will have an even harder time. we will have to train these people, because they won't know what the fuck is going on. no one does when the first get hired here. it would be madness. of the 3 people i see being here at that point, one of us has been here more than a year (i don't count myself as being here over a year, i took 6 months off). the other guy is still coming into his own, and i don't know how well he would do actually guiding people through the processes he is still learning. and then there is me, who doesn't know shit. i pretend to know what i am doing when my bosses are around, so they will leave me alone. i would be the guy who shows the new people how to slack, etc. this is an important job. i was fortunate to have someone show me early on, which has made this job much more bearable. anyways, i always feel that i am more of an in between guy between my coworkers and anyone else. when we are working with our labor crews, i serve as a go between guy from my foundation, who are there bosses, and them. so like, when my coworkers tell them what to do, i try to go out and do it with them when i have the time. i will show them tricks i have learned to make it faster, joke around about how much the job sucks, you know things like that. try to make a connection with them, so they will feel they are not alone in what they are doing. it works pretty well. it adds a human element to my foundation, at least in their perspective. when new people come, there will be that obvious division, of us, and then the new guy. i imagine i'll be the one that kind of shows them the way things REALLY work, such as lunch, leaving early, ignoring our bosses, you know, the little slack things it usually takes forever to learn. these things are vital to this job, otherwise you get burnt out.
Tuesday, November 27, 2001
Thursday, November 15, 2001
Love Zone on 80th is hiring?!?!? holy shnikes!! that would be hilarious!!!! imagine the stories you could tell about the middle aged pervs who come in just to touch the panties and bondage equipment :D i am in love with the mannequin they have in the window. it is hot, even though it doesn't have arms, legs, or a head..... i drive past there everyday, waiting for them to put some new outfit on her.
that building is looking more and more like a Jiffy Lube. i am guessing that is whats going in, some sort of drive through oil change place. either that or a drive through lap dance place. that would be cool. they could make a lot of money
I use irc.enterthegame.com. my UT clan uses it to set up matches and stuff, i am always in #LoL in case you were wondering... yeah, no cybersex, really. we get naked a lot, after matches, but that is about it :D
indian bistro ownz my nuts. i have been there once, and it rocked. i don't even really like indian food, but i enjoyed it.
i don't want to blog, i don't want to go back to work, fucked......
that building is looking more and more like a Jiffy Lube. i am guessing that is whats going in, some sort of drive through oil change place. either that or a drive through lap dance place. that would be cool. they could make a lot of money
I use irc.enterthegame.com. my UT clan uses it to set up matches and stuff, i am always in #LoL in case you were wondering... yeah, no cybersex, really. we get naked a lot, after matches, but that is about it :D
indian bistro ownz my nuts. i have been there once, and it rocked. i don't even really like indian food, but i enjoyed it.
i don't want to blog, i don't want to go back to work, fucked......
Wednesday, November 14, 2001
speaking of traffic, hot damn. i left early because i knew it was going to be bad, and i was still 35 min late. it took me over an hour to get from wedgewood to rainier beach, fuuuucked. the entire stretch of I-5 was stopped. normally it is only the ship canal bridge that is stop and go, then it clears up when you get to downtown, but not this morning. oh well.
god, it was pouring today. i got soaked. last night and this morning, it rained so much that the park i was working at flooded. god damn that sucks. we had all these plants placed out, and we get there today, and they are sitting around, some of them floating, some of them completely submerged in knee deep water. i was the lucky guy who got to go fish them all out of the new pond created. so yeah, i go to the shed and pull out these hip waders that are 3 sizes too small. they weren't even hip waders, they were those chap kind of things that go up to your crotch or so, but they are too big to put rain pants on with. turns out, one of them has a hole in it. fuuuuck. so yeah, i'm walking through, just kicking around in muddy water looking for plants, with water streaming into my boot, and my crotch soaked because it is unprotected from the rain. whenever i pick up a plant, water drains out the bottom onto my crotch and into the top of my boots. walking around, i step DIRECTLY into a flat of little 4 inch square pots. this scatters them, and sends them floating all around the new lake. i found 22 of them, so 3 are still missing. oh well, thats the breaks. anyways, i managed to fish out all the pots, i am completely soaked, and i still have 3 hours to work out in the rain. oh joy. not that i am bitter or anything. at least it wasn't windy or cold
working in the rain and mud and wet is getting easier and easier. i don't really mind it that much today, because i usually manage to stay dry enough. i also bought wool socks, so my feet are always warm :) it can actually be kind of fun wading around places trying to weed or plant or whatever. monday, i was planting in the rain. it was really muddy, so i got done and took off my hood so people could see my face, and i was just covered in mud. it looked like war paint apparently.
***
alright, so one of the nastiest things ever just happened. it looks like the toilet/shower/sink output pipe here is leaking, so it made this huge pool of water/sewage/other stuff in our basement. my boss told me to go clean it up, and i was just like... uhhhhhh.... and so then she was like yeah, just bucket it. i was like, you sure? so i went and looked at the puddle again, then went back upstairs and asked what she wanted me to do with it. she was like, just put it in that downstairs sink. i was like ok.... so i ran into my coworker downstairs, before i started, and took him to the basement to look at it. i showed it to him, and was like, i really don't want to be touching this stuff. he was like, "on one hand, she is our boss, and we have to do what she tells us, but on the other hand, that is really nasty." so he went upstairs and talked to her, and she came back down and was like, maybe you shouldn't be cleaning that up... i was just like yeah, good idea. gah, that would have sucked. i am used to getting all the shat jobs at work that no one else wants, but that was a little too much shat for me ;)
god, it was pouring today. i got soaked. last night and this morning, it rained so much that the park i was working at flooded. god damn that sucks. we had all these plants placed out, and we get there today, and they are sitting around, some of them floating, some of them completely submerged in knee deep water. i was the lucky guy who got to go fish them all out of the new pond created. so yeah, i go to the shed and pull out these hip waders that are 3 sizes too small. they weren't even hip waders, they were those chap kind of things that go up to your crotch or so, but they are too big to put rain pants on with. turns out, one of them has a hole in it. fuuuuck. so yeah, i'm walking through, just kicking around in muddy water looking for plants, with water streaming into my boot, and my crotch soaked because it is unprotected from the rain. whenever i pick up a plant, water drains out the bottom onto my crotch and into the top of my boots. walking around, i step DIRECTLY into a flat of little 4 inch square pots. this scatters them, and sends them floating all around the new lake. i found 22 of them, so 3 are still missing. oh well, thats the breaks. anyways, i managed to fish out all the pots, i am completely soaked, and i still have 3 hours to work out in the rain. oh joy. not that i am bitter or anything. at least it wasn't windy or cold
working in the rain and mud and wet is getting easier and easier. i don't really mind it that much today, because i usually manage to stay dry enough. i also bought wool socks, so my feet are always warm :) it can actually be kind of fun wading around places trying to weed or plant or whatever. monday, i was planting in the rain. it was really muddy, so i got done and took off my hood so people could see my face, and i was just covered in mud. it looked like war paint apparently.
***
alright, so one of the nastiest things ever just happened. it looks like the toilet/shower/sink output pipe here is leaking, so it made this huge pool of water/sewage/other stuff in our basement. my boss told me to go clean it up, and i was just like... uhhhhhh.... and so then she was like yeah, just bucket it. i was like, you sure? so i went and looked at the puddle again, then went back upstairs and asked what she wanted me to do with it. she was like, just put it in that downstairs sink. i was like ok.... so i ran into my coworker downstairs, before i started, and took him to the basement to look at it. i showed it to him, and was like, i really don't want to be touching this stuff. he was like, "on one hand, she is our boss, and we have to do what she tells us, but on the other hand, that is really nasty." so he went upstairs and talked to her, and she came back down and was like, maybe you shouldn't be cleaning that up... i was just like yeah, good idea. gah, that would have sucked. i am used to getting all the shat jobs at work that no one else wants, but that was a little too much shat for me ;)
Tuesday, November 13, 2001
oh yeah, and manuel, if you ever want hot chicks to cut your hair, go to the hair cutting place right across the street from my office, on 75th and 15th. i always see hot haircutting chicks in the window. i have never been there, because i haven't gotten my hair cut in like, ever, but yeah..... also, do you know what they are building in front of the sands? it sucks, business must be stopped there, because i haven't seen a stripper go in or out in months, it seems like.
traffic has been fucked all day, it is insane. so what, its raining people. we all know how to drive in the rain
traffic has been fucked all day, it is insane. so what, its raining people. we all know how to drive in the rain
mad shit going down. i am driving on 85th coming back to the office, and there are cops everywhere. they are blocking off streets, doing stuff, with the stuff. anyways, i pull over, and one pulls right in front of me, and blocks the street i stopped right in front of. he is kind of shimmying back and forth. i'm just like shit, can i go? so eventually i just went. blah. something is going down, i keep hearing sirens. i saw about 6 cop cars i think on my way over, all going to the same general area.
soooo, one of my brake lights is out. i went home to get it changed, because shucks doesn't have the right light in their little book thing, and my dad said he had some extra. he had the wrong one too. so, while we were looking at it, somehow we managed to get the turn signal to short out and stop working too. fucked.
soooo, one of my brake lights is out. i went home to get it changed, because shucks doesn't have the right light in their little book thing, and my dad said he had some extra. he had the wrong one too. so, while we were looking at it, somehow we managed to get the turn signal to short out and stop working too. fucked.
Monday, November 12, 2001
all right....
so, at work, i ordered like 5 books. this is about the only thing i have going right now, waiting for them to get in. i am ordering 3 books from this one place. they didn't have 2 of them, so i have been emailing back and forth with someone named natalie. it is wierd, how you seem almost connected to some people, even when you will never meet them, and you are just emailing them trying to get books on mosses. ahh well, good stuff. she has been helpful, i guess that is why. too many times in a retail situation, the person you talk to is a jackass or a moron. that is because, it is mostly jackasses and morons who get sucked into a retail job environment. so you can't really blame them....
so, at work, i ordered like 5 books. this is about the only thing i have going right now, waiting for them to get in. i am ordering 3 books from this one place. they didn't have 2 of them, so i have been emailing back and forth with someone named natalie. it is wierd, how you seem almost connected to some people, even when you will never meet them, and you are just emailing them trying to get books on mosses. ahh well, good stuff. she has been helpful, i guess that is why. too many times in a retail situation, the person you talk to is a jackass or a moron. that is because, it is mostly jackasses and morons who get sucked into a retail job environment. so you can't really blame them....
i am really a big fan of the new miller time commercials with will ferrell. i didn't used to be a big fan of will ferrell, mostly because i watched him on saturday night live, but saturday night live sucked. now i have just stopped watching snl, so he is more funny :) the few times i have seen him on conan (god damn i need to watch conan more) he was really funny. so yeah, basically he is cool now, especially when he acts angry and yells and stuff. so the new miller time radio commercials. they are all funny. the best one is the one where he is talking about how a group of friends are out enjoying some beer at a bar. then one of the friends has to go RUIN MILLERTIME by talking on his cell phone all night. who are you talking to?? all your friends are right here. do you think people will think you are important because you are talking on the phone? then he goes i have a number for you to call, 555- YOUR A KNOB. absofuckinglutely hilarious. good stuff. i love radio commercials. what else is up.... yeah, got pretty drunk a few times this weekend, but then again what else is new.
oh yeah oh yeah, i started (and almost finished) the first harry potter last night. good stuff. i thought i wasn't going to like it because i am a big fantasy buff, and thought it would be too cheesy and childish for my taste. but no, it rocks my nuts. sure, it is directed towards younger audiences, but i can see how so many parents have become completely enthralled in it. i like it. it is light, easy reading, funny, etc. etc. i can't wait for the movie :) one thing i hate about watching movies that i have read as books, especially books i really really like is how different the characters look in my head as compared to on screen. everyone knows what i am talking about. everyone has their own vision of what a character in a book should look like. i think i have a strange pseudo photographic memory, because i have dreams and shit starring me with the characters in the books if i get really really into them. it makes it difficult to watch some movies. but i started harry potter after i had seen the previews. problem solved!!! i just make the people look like the actors that are playing them. hopefully it should make the movie that much cooler.
bling bling, pop wood, etc, etc.
i always seem like i am waiting for something to happen. but what? who knows. nothing is going to happen unless i make it happen. i mean this all in a strictly vague sense, but it seems to be a common theme with me. for example, on weekends, i always go out with big plans. i'm going to parties, blah blah blah. sometimes it does, but most times it doesn't. even the times it does it isn't the party i picture. but i still have a good time, every weekend, even if i don't go to a party. i always end up drinking, and when i am drinking even talking on IRC or something is an adventure. why do i always seem like i am waiting for something? because the anticipation keeps me moving through life. even if it is anticipation of nothing, it is still anticipation.
oh yeah oh yeah, i started (and almost finished) the first harry potter last night. good stuff. i thought i wasn't going to like it because i am a big fantasy buff, and thought it would be too cheesy and childish for my taste. but no, it rocks my nuts. sure, it is directed towards younger audiences, but i can see how so many parents have become completely enthralled in it. i like it. it is light, easy reading, funny, etc. etc. i can't wait for the movie :) one thing i hate about watching movies that i have read as books, especially books i really really like is how different the characters look in my head as compared to on screen. everyone knows what i am talking about. everyone has their own vision of what a character in a book should look like. i think i have a strange pseudo photographic memory, because i have dreams and shit starring me with the characters in the books if i get really really into them. it makes it difficult to watch some movies. but i started harry potter after i had seen the previews. problem solved!!! i just make the people look like the actors that are playing them. hopefully it should make the movie that much cooler.
bling bling, pop wood, etc, etc.
i always seem like i am waiting for something to happen. but what? who knows. nothing is going to happen unless i make it happen. i mean this all in a strictly vague sense, but it seems to be a common theme with me. for example, on weekends, i always go out with big plans. i'm going to parties, blah blah blah. sometimes it does, but most times it doesn't. even the times it does it isn't the party i picture. but i still have a good time, every weekend, even if i don't go to a party. i always end up drinking, and when i am drinking even talking on IRC or something is an adventure. why do i always seem like i am waiting for something? because the anticipation keeps me moving through life. even if it is anticipation of nothing, it is still anticipation.
Sunday, November 11, 2001
alright, so theedsrunks.... basically
sorry to manuwel and lea ore whoever monkiques freids was. i dodn't really liike her, she was kind of a biyotch. shewas really condescentding. she didns't really like adam sanderle or mike myeres. she came out rights and said she didn't like mike mayers, even though it iwas n't brought up in the conversatiosn. which means seh realllllly doesn't likke mike meyers. god damn, that is stupid, mike meyers is the pimpa nad a half....
that, ands seh was all bad mouthing reading as a hobboy. i mean, what?!?! she dsosen't like peeople who read. she was like, oh oh oh, i'm cool becasue i am pre med, so i read more than all yo ufuckers. i was just like, fuck you, stop talking, i dons'dt like you arealdy, and i have shared like 5 sentasnces with you. i want them back dammit. badmotughigm mike myers and reading in teh same conversation is not agood way to makes freidns with me..... word st othew wise.
anyways, wheny ouare new, makineg covnersation, it isn't uesally a good idea to badmowtugh ANYTHING, because you don't even tknwo the peopel or what they like. god damn........
sorry to manuwel and lea ore whoever monkiques freids was. i dodn't really liike her, she was kind of a biyotch. shewas really condescentding. she didns't really like adam sanderle or mike myeres. she came out rights and said she didn't like mike mayers, even though it iwas n't brought up in the conversatiosn. which means seh realllllly doesn't likke mike meyers. god damn, that is stupid, mike meyers is the pimpa nad a half....
that, ands seh was all bad mouthing reading as a hobboy. i mean, what?!?! she dsosen't like peeople who read. she was like, oh oh oh, i'm cool becasue i am pre med, so i read more than all yo ufuckers. i was just like, fuck you, stop talking, i dons'dt like you arealdy, and i have shared like 5 sentasnces with you. i want them back dammit. badmotughigm mike myers and reading in teh same conversation is not agood way to makes freidns with me..... word st othew wise.
anyways, wheny ouare new, makineg covnersation, it isn't uesally a good idea to badmowtugh ANYTHING, because you don't even tknwo the peopel or what they like. god damn........
Saturday, November 10, 2001
Saturday, November 10, 2001
Yeahm, drunk again bitches. Like tha!
weelll me and wank are fucke dbeyond belidfe and we don't know ehre thye fuck wer area. and meatballs 3 is on tv.,.l; I also have th number of thksi girl that I met last week. I thin I can get her easily if I try enough. Wank didn'st ask for tina's njuber, howver I'll get th e motherdufcker fo rhim. He seeemed to klike tina in the humnpage way. I will have enaoither paty in a week or two in order to see if tina is Wanks typed. If not well fuck tii t.
\
OI am happy cause danielle lpretty much likes me, and she all chatted with mer in my room all alone.
posted by Harm User at 2:47 AM
man down, and i'm out, lol. so yeah, when the girls left, i didn't really know what was going on. the night is a blur, but apparently tina liked me, lol. i wasn't aware enough of my surroundings to get a phone number. they were all cool girls, it was a good time. the first question that was asked of me when i walked in the door was "have you ever sucked a guys dick." i said no, but it took some convincing to get them to believe me. it was pretty damn funny. shit, i should have gotten her number. my bad, out like trout, etc etc. gah, bwah, shiggity SHWA!!!! but really, would i do anything with the number? probably not. i'm too lazy, and hopefully there will be another gathering over there or something.
i just kind of feel like writing here. i will probably get bored half way through though.... update time, i guess. i'll just kind of write, and you can choose what to read...
-work-
so yeah, shit is hitting the walls all over the place. everyone is mad, and thinking of leaving. it is great, because it means we don't do any work, and when we do work we complain about it the entire time. i didn't even go back to the office tuesday or thursday, and friday i ended up going to this meeting with my coworkers away from my bosses.
this meeting, god. it basically was one of those "everything is fucked so we need to be united" things. we sat in the corner of tullys coffee house just bitching. i just sat around mostly, because i don't really care. i wasn't working, but i was getting paid, that is all that matters. anyways, i'll break it down for you here. linda, erin, lesley, and kirsten are the 4 people on the dearborne team these days. ann decided to change the focus of dearborne, so instead of having starflowers teach the class things, we are just supposed to give the teachers lesson plans so they can teach it. haha, yeah right, the teachers aren't going to touch those things. in fact, they already have lesson plans they don't use. the team went and talked to the teachers, and they were like, that is stupid, it would be a waste, we would never use them, etc etc etc. so dearborne team told ann this, but she was like, no keep doing it. so they were like fuck that, it is taking us 30 hours for each lesson plan, and we have to do 24, it is a waste of our time, we are not going to do it. so ann was like, either do it or quit. it was fucked.
she scheduled meetings with all 4 of them. erin was first. she said ann was just visibly furious, like shaking and shit, getting up all in erins face. erin said she was really scared. so ann just ripped into her, and at the end said "you can always withdraw your employment, i think you need to do some serious thinking." so erin started to leave because she thought the meeting was over, and ann jumped up and closed the door again and said i'm not finished or something. apparently she like almost dove to keep the door closed. she then told erin that she was learning to be a great teacher, she just needed some more training. that is such bullshit, because erin WAS a teacher before she came to this job. it was such an insulting thing to say.
anyways, that wasn't the worst of it. linda's meeting was next. ann really hates linda, i think, and she is threatened by her for some reason. so, during her meeting, ann was leaning in, all in linda's face, and just yelling at linda. linda was really scared, which isn't normal. linda said that she ended up just cowering in her chair, literally shaking in fright. linda just kept repeating "ann, you are making me uncomfortable, this is inappropriate, please stop" over and over, but ann kept yelling. eventually she stopped, but linda was still like, i feel really uncomfortable, that was inappropriate ann, i feel like you are attacking me, why are you so angry. ann kept threatening to have linda quit. linda said to us what kind of threat is that? you can't threaten to have me quit, you have to fire me, i'm not going to quit. that is so rad :D
anyways, kirsten's meeting took about 2 min, where basically ann just threatened kirsten, and told her she could always quit. lesley, in typical lesley fashion, showed up 30 minutes late, and ann had already gone, so she didn't even have to have a meeting :D awesome :)
anyways, most of our meeting at tullys was talking about this, and how stupid and unprofessional it all was. i don't really care though. ann is scared of me. i honestly believe this is true. she was really intimidated by me and ryan together, which is why we can get away with so much. this is why she won't approach me about things, because she is still uncomfortable around me. this is great. i sit around downstairs in my hole, not doing anything, its perfect.
we also talked about where everyone was in their job search. everyone on the staff has resumes out right now but me, its pretty funny. everyone is having trouble finding jobs, we all think it is because ann is badmouthing us when people call. that just sucks. so, we went around the table, asking what everyone was planning on doing. i was just like "i'll stay until you guys all leave, because you guys are the reason this job is so good." i told them how i was just in the background, and i don't really care, etc etc. they were kind of jealous, but were like right on as well, because at least someone was getting away with it.
***someone is haxoring the irc server i hang out on. this is wild***
its all good. we also chatted about these envelopes all the restoration teams are getting from ann. ryan, remember those management plans that all the teams slaved so hard over this summer? well it looks like she hasn't even read them. so these envelopes, basically are just maps of the park, with handwritten notes all over it about what should be done. half of the notes are the shit they put in the management plans, and the other half are just kooky. ann suggested putting inverted cones around the trees at greg davis to make weeding easier. it was like those collars you put on dogs so they don't lick them selves. how this was supposed to help, i don't know, it was such a fucked up thing. so yeah jeremy is absolutely furious. he feels insulted by these, as he should. pritchard got three maps, with all these barely legible notes. crazy. we haven't gotten one genesee yet. that one is going to end up on my desk soon, i know it. i'm just going to throw it out haha. so yeah, everyone is pissed about those too.
all of this shit just swirls around me at work. i just sit back and watch, and stay out of it. the thing is, i don't really care about my job. it is just a job to me, a way to pay rent. i'm not attached to it like everyone else is. all my coworkers know this. its all good.
-girls-
nothing to report really. gathering at harms house was really fun last night. i am realizing, i don't remember a lot of it, always good. i think i spilled something, and harm cleaned it up, i don't remember. i vaguely remember the girls leaving, and i think i remember harm getting the one girls number. i remember throwing up, and i remember watching part of meatballs 3. i remember typing some on irc. the log is in here on the second page http://forums.prounreal.com/viewtopic.php?topic=779&forum=12&47 we were both super trashed. i don't really know how to pick up women. i used to be worried about it, but now i really don't care. i never expect anything to happen, which is probably why nothing ever does happen. now thats logic for ya :D i am more out to have a good time, than to score or anything. i'm a poser. i act all horny, but really i don't care. it isn't a driving force in my life.
but then again, sometime i a struck with pangs of lonelyness. i've never really had a serious relationship. i have had very few relationships period. what am i missing out on? fucked if i know. it isn't like i don't have opportunities. i just fail to act on them. i don't recognize them until to late, or i am to scared to do anything, blah blah blah, so many excuses. for all practical purposes, i shouldn't be a 20 year old virgin. i am not disfigured or anything. in fact, i am coming around to think i might be more attractive than i give myself credit for. but then again, how the hell am i supposed to know? i thought i looked pretty damn good in that halloween picture. i used to think i was a gomer, but now, i think i am ok. i have more of those days where i look in the mirror and think damn i'm looking good. i would say i just haven't had the chance, but in reality, i have plenty. i am just stupid. i am coming to accept this. i don't really care. i find that i don't really care about a lot of things. there is very little i actually care about, sometimes it scares me.
-drugs-
ryan said something to me that i thought was true. people either have a natural affinity for alcohol, or for pot. i really love drinking. i love the way it makes me feel, but i am not as big a fan of smoking. so i drink all the time. ryan is the opposite. he really doesn't care about drinking, but he loves smoking, so he smokes all the time. i wish i was less lazy, and had other things around. K was really fun, shrooms were really fun, E is really fun, it would be awesome to have a nitrous tank sitting around like they had in bellingham, i'd like to try acid, etc etc etc etc.
escaping reality is such a great thing. i love the way alcohol and drugs twist reality, so it is still there, but changed enough that everything seems completely different. i am a big fan of dreams. my subconcious rocks, i wish i could hang out with it more. drugs are a way for me to try and merge with my subconcious, in a way i guess. i really wish i could do it more.
alright, so i was watching dateline NBC, and they were having this special on E, and in particular this guy named Strike who put out a book about making E. he has this recipe that makes it really easy, and works really well. so, being the curious fuck i am, i went and looked it up on the internet. i found this site, that basically has the thing from his book in there. god, they told you how to do everything. the site is down now, fucked. i am sure i could find it again. i should just buy that book and see what it has to say. that would be awesome. but yeah, basically, this recipe was all stuff i could do. it would just take about $500 in glassware, and i would have to set up a little vaccum aspirator thing, which i am way too lazy to do. you can get all the stuff to make it at photo shops or the hardware store. the end result was 15 grams of more or less pure MDMA. fucking a, thats like 150 hits. it was very tempting to do, i mean shit. i think it would be more just to do it, than for the end result. it would be fun i think to have a little lab set up, haha. the book walks you all the way through it, telling you how to buy, where to buy, what to buy, etc etc etc.crazy. if you want to look it up, its called total synthesis II
-life-
sometimes i really think i am fucking up my life. i lack motivation, and it is very destructive. i had a nice talk about school and things with one of my coworkers, Jeremy. he is about the closest thing i have to a role model. he trys to look out for me, he's a lot like a big brother. i really wish i was old enough to go out drinking with him sometime. anyways, we were talking about school, and how much i am blowing it by not going. sometimes i get really angry at myself, because i know i won't be able to take it seriously again. if i go back, i will just fuck things up again. this is scary, because eventually i will go back, but when will that be? am i going to be stuck making $11 an hour scrambling for rent payments for the rest of my life? sometimes i wish i had a sense of security. life is frightening.
like i said earlier, it is really frightening that i can't find things to really be passionate about. if only i could find something that excited me, and would hold my attention at school. i wish i knew what i wanted to be when i grow up. i was like that when we did all those career day things and shit when we were little. i never had any idea. i always dreaded those things, because i knew i was going to have to make something up, and then try to explain myself. i just have no clue. it is really scary. i have these huge fears of failure.
bah, i want to write more, but can't get inspired to do it. i'll write later
Yeahm, drunk again bitches. Like tha!
weelll me and wank are fucke dbeyond belidfe and we don't know ehre thye fuck wer area. and meatballs 3 is on tv.,.l; I also have th number of thksi girl that I met last week. I thin I can get her easily if I try enough. Wank didn'st ask for tina's njuber, howver I'll get th e motherdufcker fo rhim. He seeemed to klike tina in the humnpage way. I will have enaoither paty in a week or two in order to see if tina is Wanks typed. If not well fuck tii t.
\
OI am happy cause danielle lpretty much likes me, and she all chatted with mer in my room all alone.
posted by Harm User at 2:47 AM
man down, and i'm out, lol. so yeah, when the girls left, i didn't really know what was going on. the night is a blur, but apparently tina liked me, lol. i wasn't aware enough of my surroundings to get a phone number. they were all cool girls, it was a good time. the first question that was asked of me when i walked in the door was "have you ever sucked a guys dick." i said no, but it took some convincing to get them to believe me. it was pretty damn funny. shit, i should have gotten her number. my bad, out like trout, etc etc. gah, bwah, shiggity SHWA!!!! but really, would i do anything with the number? probably not. i'm too lazy, and hopefully there will be another gathering over there or something.
i just kind of feel like writing here. i will probably get bored half way through though.... update time, i guess. i'll just kind of write, and you can choose what to read...
-work-
so yeah, shit is hitting the walls all over the place. everyone is mad, and thinking of leaving. it is great, because it means we don't do any work, and when we do work we complain about it the entire time. i didn't even go back to the office tuesday or thursday, and friday i ended up going to this meeting with my coworkers away from my bosses.
this meeting, god. it basically was one of those "everything is fucked so we need to be united" things. we sat in the corner of tullys coffee house just bitching. i just sat around mostly, because i don't really care. i wasn't working, but i was getting paid, that is all that matters. anyways, i'll break it down for you here. linda, erin, lesley, and kirsten are the 4 people on the dearborne team these days. ann decided to change the focus of dearborne, so instead of having starflowers teach the class things, we are just supposed to give the teachers lesson plans so they can teach it. haha, yeah right, the teachers aren't going to touch those things. in fact, they already have lesson plans they don't use. the team went and talked to the teachers, and they were like, that is stupid, it would be a waste, we would never use them, etc etc etc. so dearborne team told ann this, but she was like, no keep doing it. so they were like fuck that, it is taking us 30 hours for each lesson plan, and we have to do 24, it is a waste of our time, we are not going to do it. so ann was like, either do it or quit. it was fucked.
she scheduled meetings with all 4 of them. erin was first. she said ann was just visibly furious, like shaking and shit, getting up all in erins face. erin said she was really scared. so ann just ripped into her, and at the end said "you can always withdraw your employment, i think you need to do some serious thinking." so erin started to leave because she thought the meeting was over, and ann jumped up and closed the door again and said i'm not finished or something. apparently she like almost dove to keep the door closed. she then told erin that she was learning to be a great teacher, she just needed some more training. that is such bullshit, because erin WAS a teacher before she came to this job. it was such an insulting thing to say.
anyways, that wasn't the worst of it. linda's meeting was next. ann really hates linda, i think, and she is threatened by her for some reason. so, during her meeting, ann was leaning in, all in linda's face, and just yelling at linda. linda was really scared, which isn't normal. linda said that she ended up just cowering in her chair, literally shaking in fright. linda just kept repeating "ann, you are making me uncomfortable, this is inappropriate, please stop" over and over, but ann kept yelling. eventually she stopped, but linda was still like, i feel really uncomfortable, that was inappropriate ann, i feel like you are attacking me, why are you so angry. ann kept threatening to have linda quit. linda said to us what kind of threat is that? you can't threaten to have me quit, you have to fire me, i'm not going to quit. that is so rad :D
anyways, kirsten's meeting took about 2 min, where basically ann just threatened kirsten, and told her she could always quit. lesley, in typical lesley fashion, showed up 30 minutes late, and ann had already gone, so she didn't even have to have a meeting :D awesome :)
anyways, most of our meeting at tullys was talking about this, and how stupid and unprofessional it all was. i don't really care though. ann is scared of me. i honestly believe this is true. she was really intimidated by me and ryan together, which is why we can get away with so much. this is why she won't approach me about things, because she is still uncomfortable around me. this is great. i sit around downstairs in my hole, not doing anything, its perfect.
we also talked about where everyone was in their job search. everyone on the staff has resumes out right now but me, its pretty funny. everyone is having trouble finding jobs, we all think it is because ann is badmouthing us when people call. that just sucks. so, we went around the table, asking what everyone was planning on doing. i was just like "i'll stay until you guys all leave, because you guys are the reason this job is so good." i told them how i was just in the background, and i don't really care, etc etc. they were kind of jealous, but were like right on as well, because at least someone was getting away with it.
***someone is haxoring the irc server i hang out on. this is wild***
its all good. we also chatted about these envelopes all the restoration teams are getting from ann. ryan, remember those management plans that all the teams slaved so hard over this summer? well it looks like she hasn't even read them. so these envelopes, basically are just maps of the park, with handwritten notes all over it about what should be done. half of the notes are the shit they put in the management plans, and the other half are just kooky. ann suggested putting inverted cones around the trees at greg davis to make weeding easier. it was like those collars you put on dogs so they don't lick them selves. how this was supposed to help, i don't know, it was such a fucked up thing. so yeah jeremy is absolutely furious. he feels insulted by these, as he should. pritchard got three maps, with all these barely legible notes. crazy. we haven't gotten one genesee yet. that one is going to end up on my desk soon, i know it. i'm just going to throw it out haha. so yeah, everyone is pissed about those too.
all of this shit just swirls around me at work. i just sit back and watch, and stay out of it. the thing is, i don't really care about my job. it is just a job to me, a way to pay rent. i'm not attached to it like everyone else is. all my coworkers know this. its all good.
-girls-
nothing to report really. gathering at harms house was really fun last night. i am realizing, i don't remember a lot of it, always good. i think i spilled something, and harm cleaned it up, i don't remember. i vaguely remember the girls leaving, and i think i remember harm getting the one girls number. i remember throwing up, and i remember watching part of meatballs 3. i remember typing some on irc. the log is in here on the second page http://forums.prounreal.com/viewtopic.php?topic=779&forum=12&47 we were both super trashed. i don't really know how to pick up women. i used to be worried about it, but now i really don't care. i never expect anything to happen, which is probably why nothing ever does happen. now thats logic for ya :D i am more out to have a good time, than to score or anything. i'm a poser. i act all horny, but really i don't care. it isn't a driving force in my life.
but then again, sometime i a struck with pangs of lonelyness. i've never really had a serious relationship. i have had very few relationships period. what am i missing out on? fucked if i know. it isn't like i don't have opportunities. i just fail to act on them. i don't recognize them until to late, or i am to scared to do anything, blah blah blah, so many excuses. for all practical purposes, i shouldn't be a 20 year old virgin. i am not disfigured or anything. in fact, i am coming around to think i might be more attractive than i give myself credit for. but then again, how the hell am i supposed to know? i thought i looked pretty damn good in that halloween picture. i used to think i was a gomer, but now, i think i am ok. i have more of those days where i look in the mirror and think damn i'm looking good. i would say i just haven't had the chance, but in reality, i have plenty. i am just stupid. i am coming to accept this. i don't really care. i find that i don't really care about a lot of things. there is very little i actually care about, sometimes it scares me.
-drugs-
ryan said something to me that i thought was true. people either have a natural affinity for alcohol, or for pot. i really love drinking. i love the way it makes me feel, but i am not as big a fan of smoking. so i drink all the time. ryan is the opposite. he really doesn't care about drinking, but he loves smoking, so he smokes all the time. i wish i was less lazy, and had other things around. K was really fun, shrooms were really fun, E is really fun, it would be awesome to have a nitrous tank sitting around like they had in bellingham, i'd like to try acid, etc etc etc etc.
escaping reality is such a great thing. i love the way alcohol and drugs twist reality, so it is still there, but changed enough that everything seems completely different. i am a big fan of dreams. my subconcious rocks, i wish i could hang out with it more. drugs are a way for me to try and merge with my subconcious, in a way i guess. i really wish i could do it more.
alright, so i was watching dateline NBC, and they were having this special on E, and in particular this guy named Strike who put out a book about making E. he has this recipe that makes it really easy, and works really well. so, being the curious fuck i am, i went and looked it up on the internet. i found this site, that basically has the thing from his book in there. god, they told you how to do everything. the site is down now, fucked. i am sure i could find it again. i should just buy that book and see what it has to say. that would be awesome. but yeah, basically, this recipe was all stuff i could do. it would just take about $500 in glassware, and i would have to set up a little vaccum aspirator thing, which i am way too lazy to do. you can get all the stuff to make it at photo shops or the hardware store. the end result was 15 grams of more or less pure MDMA. fucking a, thats like 150 hits. it was very tempting to do, i mean shit. i think it would be more just to do it, than for the end result. it would be fun i think to have a little lab set up, haha. the book walks you all the way through it, telling you how to buy, where to buy, what to buy, etc etc etc.crazy. if you want to look it up, its called total synthesis II
-life-
sometimes i really think i am fucking up my life. i lack motivation, and it is very destructive. i had a nice talk about school and things with one of my coworkers, Jeremy. he is about the closest thing i have to a role model. he trys to look out for me, he's a lot like a big brother. i really wish i was old enough to go out drinking with him sometime. anyways, we were talking about school, and how much i am blowing it by not going. sometimes i get really angry at myself, because i know i won't be able to take it seriously again. if i go back, i will just fuck things up again. this is scary, because eventually i will go back, but when will that be? am i going to be stuck making $11 an hour scrambling for rent payments for the rest of my life? sometimes i wish i had a sense of security. life is frightening.
like i said earlier, it is really frightening that i can't find things to really be passionate about. if only i could find something that excited me, and would hold my attention at school. i wish i knew what i wanted to be when i grow up. i was like that when we did all those career day things and shit when we were little. i never had any idea. i always dreaded those things, because i knew i was going to have to make something up, and then try to explain myself. i just have no clue. it is really scary. i have these huge fears of failure.
bah, i want to write more, but can't get inspired to do it. i'll write later
oh shit, we finished off the bottle of blackberry shnapps, i just read that on my irc log, no wonder i threw up, god damn, HAHA
god damn...
i threw up last night, i hadn't done that since... shit.... bellingham in february??? sucks though, first time i drink with my friend, and i have to go and ruin miller time by BEING A KNOB and puking :D whatever, it was a good time, we both got really really trashed, it was funny. all the girls left, no one got any action, not really too surprising, but it was a fun time :) driving home half drunk and hungover makes things fly by.
speaking of fucked up, i woke up to this infomercial. it was a 900 number for like this football sports picking thing. calls were $100 apiece, $100!!! GOD DAMN!!! for a guaranteed college upset. that just seemed like such bullshit to me.
i'm going to try and get some more sleep, in my bed where it is nice and warm :) whats going on tonight?? :D lol
i threw up last night, i hadn't done that since... shit.... bellingham in february??? sucks though, first time i drink with my friend, and i have to go and ruin miller time by BEING A KNOB and puking :D whatever, it was a good time, we both got really really trashed, it was funny. all the girls left, no one got any action, not really too surprising, but it was a fun time :) driving home half drunk and hungover makes things fly by.
speaking of fucked up, i woke up to this infomercial. it was a 900 number for like this football sports picking thing. calls were $100 apiece, $100!!! GOD DAMN!!! for a guaranteed college upset. that just seemed like such bullshit to me.
i'm going to try and get some more sleep, in my bed where it is nice and warm :) whats going on tonight?? :D lol
Wednesday, November 07, 2001
Blogdog...
apparently some blogs are going down??? what!! how is this happening?? don't go down, you stupid blogs... if anyone needs hosting, email me or something and i will hook you up.
Trip, i know exactly what you are talking about. i admit, i haven't listened to KEXP all that much. i have a few times, and have heard some good stuff, but I dunno... like, one time at work. i came in, and my coworker was listening to kexp as i walk in. on comes Underworld - Born slippy. I LOVE THAT SONG. but, the rest of the songs they were playing just don't tweak my noodle like some of the other radio stations. i think i am going to program it on my car radio for those occasions where there is nothing else. i reallllly reallllly need to get a cd player in my car. this summer, with ryan, we would just pop on one of our cds, and the drive would be bearable. i have tons of cds burned, and about 150 more on my computer to burn or something, i just have no where to play them. it kind of sucks. my parents want to get me something for christmas, maybe i can con them into it.
alright, a few more rants :D i have been storing them up, for when i finally got my blog back.
ok, unwritten rule. there are two lanes turning into one lane. traffic is creeping by, both lanes are backed up, and not moving. the rule is, where they meet, it goes every other lane when merging. car from lane a, car from lane b, car from lane a, car from lane b, etc etc. well, some jackasses refuse to comply with this, and they fuck up the entire roation. it really cheeses me off, because it is always some big truck or suv who does it. today, i got to get back at one of these assholes. some hick chick in a big old truck did this to the guy in front of me today. he had to put on the breaks, and take my spot. i had already formed something of a bond with the person i was going to merge in front of, so now i felt bad because i had to rush the whole bond forming experience with the next person i was merging in front of. anyways, we got on the freeway. i am merging across lanes, and i come up to the big old truck eventually. i am like sweeeet, and i merge in front of her. it wasn't like i cut her off, i just merged in front of her. she gets mad, and proceeds to get into the lane i had just merged out of, and try to get in front of me. there is a slow car in my old lane, which is more or less why i got out, so she is stuck trying to get in front of me again. i get fender to fender with her, while she tries to inch forward, and get in front of me, but i don't let her. eventually, the car in front of me merged out of my lane, and she thought she was going to be sneaky and take that hole that was created. i let her go forward a little bit, then downshifted and got right on the guy in front of me's ass. she got really pissed at me, and eventually just went back to her first spot behind me. i am usually not an ass, especially on the freeway, but she was an ass first. she deserved what she got.
apparently some blogs are going down??? what!! how is this happening?? don't go down, you stupid blogs... if anyone needs hosting, email me or something and i will hook you up.
Trip, i know exactly what you are talking about. i admit, i haven't listened to KEXP all that much. i have a few times, and have heard some good stuff, but I dunno... like, one time at work. i came in, and my coworker was listening to kexp as i walk in. on comes Underworld - Born slippy. I LOVE THAT SONG. but, the rest of the songs they were playing just don't tweak my noodle like some of the other radio stations. i think i am going to program it on my car radio for those occasions where there is nothing else. i reallllly reallllly need to get a cd player in my car. this summer, with ryan, we would just pop on one of our cds, and the drive would be bearable. i have tons of cds burned, and about 150 more on my computer to burn or something, i just have no where to play them. it kind of sucks. my parents want to get me something for christmas, maybe i can con them into it.
alright, a few more rants :D i have been storing them up, for when i finally got my blog back.
ok, unwritten rule. there are two lanes turning into one lane. traffic is creeping by, both lanes are backed up, and not moving. the rule is, where they meet, it goes every other lane when merging. car from lane a, car from lane b, car from lane a, car from lane b, etc etc. well, some jackasses refuse to comply with this, and they fuck up the entire roation. it really cheeses me off, because it is always some big truck or suv who does it. today, i got to get back at one of these assholes. some hick chick in a big old truck did this to the guy in front of me today. he had to put on the breaks, and take my spot. i had already formed something of a bond with the person i was going to merge in front of, so now i felt bad because i had to rush the whole bond forming experience with the next person i was merging in front of. anyways, we got on the freeway. i am merging across lanes, and i come up to the big old truck eventually. i am like sweeeet, and i merge in front of her. it wasn't like i cut her off, i just merged in front of her. she gets mad, and proceeds to get into the lane i had just merged out of, and try to get in front of me. there is a slow car in my old lane, which is more or less why i got out, so she is stuck trying to get in front of me again. i get fender to fender with her, while she tries to inch forward, and get in front of me, but i don't let her. eventually, the car in front of me merged out of my lane, and she thought she was going to be sneaky and take that hole that was created. i let her go forward a little bit, then downshifted and got right on the guy in front of me's ass. she got really pissed at me, and eventually just went back to her first spot behind me. i am usually not an ass, especially on the freeway, but she was an ass first. she deserved what she got.
Tuesday, November 06, 2001
blizznigittyogasm....
alright, just a little rant for now....
its noon. i just got done with the first half of my day. i am cold, wet, tired, and still have a 30-45 min drive ahead of me before i can eat lunch. i just want to get in my car, and get home. i need my radio to keep me awake and sane. but what do we have??? my normal station, the end, playing ressurrection crapbox. i really don't like the music they play, it annoys me. then there is funky monkey, which would be ok, if you are in the mood for metallica, creed, disturbed, linkin park and guns and roses. i swear that is all they have on their playlist. to top it off, the reception is horrible everywhere, just crap on my head terrible. then, there is c 89.5 hot lunch. usually the music on c 89.5 is ok, not good, but ok. i can listen to it. but they pull out these songs they call hot lunch classics, which are like early 90's club hits. not good ones, ones you would want to listen too, but really bad ones. you don't get anything cool like Haddaway -- what is love, you get crap. also, they decide to take their cheesiest popish dance hits and put them on, i guess to make you appreciate the mediocre popish dance hits they play the rest of the day. 106.1 has a good song every once in a while. kube, i don't know what to say about cube, every time i go there about noon, it is marky mark or something like that. kexp, really not my style of music. it just gets boring to me somehow. my coworkers are all in love with it, and so i get to listen to it all the time, but i dunno... they play some really sweet songs, once in a while, but the other stuff is stuff i am supposed to like soley because it is not as mainstream. there is a reason mainstream music is mainstream.... so yeah, i'm tired, i'm cold, i just want to get home and eat lunch, and there it is, lunchtime radio just waiting to suck......
bitter blog OUT!!!! trout...
alright, just a little rant for now....
its noon. i just got done with the first half of my day. i am cold, wet, tired, and still have a 30-45 min drive ahead of me before i can eat lunch. i just want to get in my car, and get home. i need my radio to keep me awake and sane. but what do we have??? my normal station, the end, playing ressurrection crapbox. i really don't like the music they play, it annoys me. then there is funky monkey, which would be ok, if you are in the mood for metallica, creed, disturbed, linkin park and guns and roses. i swear that is all they have on their playlist. to top it off, the reception is horrible everywhere, just crap on my head terrible. then, there is c 89.5 hot lunch. usually the music on c 89.5 is ok, not good, but ok. i can listen to it. but they pull out these songs they call hot lunch classics, which are like early 90's club hits. not good ones, ones you would want to listen too, but really bad ones. you don't get anything cool like Haddaway -- what is love, you get crap. also, they decide to take their cheesiest popish dance hits and put them on, i guess to make you appreciate the mediocre popish dance hits they play the rest of the day. 106.1 has a good song every once in a while. kube, i don't know what to say about cube, every time i go there about noon, it is marky mark or something like that. kexp, really not my style of music. it just gets boring to me somehow. my coworkers are all in love with it, and so i get to listen to it all the time, but i dunno... they play some really sweet songs, once in a while, but the other stuff is stuff i am supposed to like soley because it is not as mainstream. there is a reason mainstream music is mainstream.... so yeah, i'm tired, i'm cold, i just want to get home and eat lunch, and there it is, lunchtime radio just waiting to suck......
bitter blog OUT!!!! trout...
blogsaustion
god, i have have been tired lately. it is hard to sit down and type when you can barely keep your eyes open. i really need to start sleeping more. i think i am going to skip the rest of work today and take a nap. i think it would be really funny if i got fired...
god, i have have been tired lately. it is hard to sit down and type when you can barely keep your eyes open. i really need to start sleeping more. i think i am going to skip the rest of work today and take a nap. i think it would be really funny if i got fired...
Saturday, November 03, 2001
bling bling WHUT WHUT!!!!!!!
wanked.net in the HOUSE!!!! more to come, now that i can actually blog again :D
wanked.net in the HOUSE!!!! more to come, now that i can actually blog again :D
Friday, November 02, 2001
Thursday, November 01, 2001
